How to deal with a mother that doesn’t support your happiness.

It’s devastating when the women who is supposed to be cheering you on cannot. This can leave wounded daughters with shame and low self worth. In this webclass I share reasons why your mother behaves this way and then I share 5 ways to take care of yourself in this situation.

  1. Self nurturing /parenting.
  2. Be mindful of what you share and boundary the deeper conversations that feel unsafe. 
  3. Think about what you would do if a sista friend behaved the same way. Use your answer to set new boundaries.
  4. Love her from a distance. 
  5. Build your village of mums,  friends and support systems on and offline.

All the relevant links in the class can be found at www.heal.juneallen.net

How to Heal When the Village is Wounded.

*Abuse Trigger Warning*

With so much stuff in the news recently around #muterkelly a sista asks, ‘It takes a village to raise a child, but how can we heal when the village is wounded?’

This is an important topic because many of us get so caught up in the savagery of white supremacy, that it’s hard to look honestly at what’s going on in our community. In today’s video I share 3 ways we can take care of ourselves when dealing with toxicity in the community.

  1. Find a safe, non judgmental space to process your feelings. This could be a therapist, addiction recovery meeting, or a support group. The goal is to find a space that oozes empathy and compassion.
  1. Focus on your own pain and healing first, the village heals collectively as you do the work individually.
  2. Build your own safe village. Many of us grew up in homes that didn’t feel safe so an important part of healing is letting go of trying to change family members who are emotionally unavailable to hear you.
    If you are looking for a safe space start or compliment your journey, go to www.sistacircle.juneallen.net to join the Bell Hooks book club.

Faith : Kwanzaa Day 7

Imani (Faith): To believe with all our hearts in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders, and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.

Faith is defined as having complete trust in someone or something. It can also be anchored in spiritual conviction rather than proof.

Under the system of racism, the unheard, recycled pain within our families mean that many of us have lost faith in ourselves and each other.

The restoration of faith requires us to first rebuild the faith within ourselves. To keep our promises to ourselves. As we begin to believe in ourselves, we will attract people, places and things which will restore our faith.

Affirmation: I have faith in the virtues of my ancestors to restore Maat (balance and harmony), and bring peace within myself, across the diaspora and the planet.

Last day to get your Kwanzaa offers at kwanzaa.juneallen.net

 

Creativity: Kwanzaa Day 6

Today’s principle is all about Creativity (Kuumba) : To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it.

Creativity is the sacred expression of Ra in motion. It’s our ability to transcend ‘traditional’ ideas, expectations and patterns to create original, progressive and imaginative ways to externalise our Higher Self.

Affirmation: Today, I will share my melanin magic with the world, and shine fearlessly in my greatness.

Purpose (Nia) : Kwanzaa Day 5

Nia (Purpose): To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.

Your purpose is defined as the reason for creating, or doing something. It’s our intentional engagement with something that has deep meaning.

Racism white supremacy is set up for us to be driven by fear of embracing our purpose, our culture, our empowerment, our healing. When we abandon our purpose, we set ourselves up for a life and legacy of unhappiness.

Affirmation: Today, I commit to exploring my truth so I can live in my purpose and be of service to the community from a place of wholeness.

Living in your purpose requires black self love and confidence so download your empowerment offers at kwanzaa.juneallen.net

Cooperative Economics: Kwanzaa Day 4

Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics): To build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses and to profit from them together.

Toni Morrison tells her students, ‘When you get these jobs that you have been so brilliantly trained for, just remember that your real job is that if you are free, you need to free somebody else. If you have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else.’

So as we build our careers, be it working for others or ourselves, we cheer on our gifted community and share honestly (with love) when things need improvement.

Affirmation: I am willing to receive prosperity and abundance. I build a powerful legacy of wealth with my community.

Abundance seeds on the inside, so download the Kwanzaa Savers guide to reflect, rise and reconnect to your blacknificence. www.kwanzaa.juneallen.net

 

Collective Work and Responsibility: Kwanzaa Day 3

Collective Work and Responsibility – Ujima : To build and maintain our community together and make our brothers’ and sisters’ problems our problems and to solve them together.

To be responsible is about acknowledging your duty of care, to be accountable for a person, place or thing. Internalised racism often means that working together and looking out for each other is a challenging task. We turn this around by staying committed to rebuilding ourselves so we can rebuild our communities.

Affirmation: I am my solution. I am my brotha/sista’s keeper.

If you’d like more awareness around your internalised racism, download the Kwanzaa Savers guide to reflect, rise and reconnect to your blacknificence.

www.kwanzaa.juneallen.net

 

Self Determination: Kwanzaa Day 2

Kwanzaa Day 2 is about Self-Determination (Kujichagulia). To define and name ourselves, as well as create and speak for ourselves.

The definition of self-determination is the act of making up one’s own mind about what to think or do, without outside influence. Living under the system of racism means that our thinking is often filled with negative thoughts about our blackness.

Today, remember that you can choose to embrace and honour your cultural values without apology.

If you’re feeling disconnected around your identity, download the Kwanzaa Savers guide to reflect, rise and reconnect to your blacknificence.

www.kwanzaa.juneallen.net

Happy Kwanzaa Unity!

Peace and blessing family, Happy Kwanzaa!

Kwanzaa is a global, week-long celebration which honours 7 cultural values. Kwanzaa means first fruits of the harvest in Swahili. This takes  place from 26th December to 1st January. We celebrate one principle each day using Swahili words and end with a huge feast and gift-giving.

Today is Day 1 which is all about unity (Umoja): To strive for and maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.

Unity is defined by how well we work together with others. It’s the opposite of being divided, to embrace togetherness. Under the system of racism, unity is often difficult because we internalise so much negativity about our blackness. In order for unity to thrive, we need to keep asking ‘where can I grow?’ and, ‘how can I serve?’

Just for today, remember that unity in the community begins with personal responsibility.  If you’re feeling stuck around your growth and want to nurture the unity within yourself, click below to download the Kwanzaa offers to reconnect to your growth process.

www.kwanzaa.juneallen.net

10 Family Boundaries for Christmas Calm

Only a few days left now before Christmas and if your anxiety is rising from thoughts about spending time with dysfunctional family. This simple checklist will help you make some compassionate choices about how you will spend your time. The first 5 questions are specific around your internal boundaries, getting honest about what feels OK for you. When you are clear about this internally, it will be easier to be clear about what will work in your family relationships. Use your journal to help you process, get clear and brainstorm ideas.  

  1. How do you want to feel?
  2. What happened last year that felt safe? What are this years triggers and what are your limits?
  3. Be realistic about your families limitations, where are you still fantasising or in denial about their behavior?    
  4. What network support do you have in place to make calls, go to recovery meetings etc?
  5. Where can you maintain or increase your self care rituals?

 These 5 are tools to manage your external relationship/family boundaries. 

  1. Organise your calendar so you have a structure in place. 
  2. Plan own transport so you are not reliant on anyone else if things get tough.
  3. Organise events with people who feel safe. Meet up with your ‘family of choice.’
  4. Limit time with crazy folk and give yourself permission to leave in you need to.
  5. Remember that presence is more important than the presents so share lots of gratitude to those who have been there for you.

If you would like a private space to share and receive more tools, you can schedule a call at www.callme.juneallen.net