The Law of Worthiness.

The law of worthiness means that we can be empowered when we stop craving the dysfunctional approval of whiteness. We don’t have to sell out our divine joy and melanin magic in order to feel safe.

The healing process gives us permission to let go of the lies we believe about ourselves as we think, feel, act and trust who we are becoming.

Just for today, I will nurture my worthiness by speaking fyah into my now.

I am divine.

I am worthy of the support I need.

I am worthy of love now.

I honor and value my blackness.

I am worth the effort.

I am worthy of incredible blessings.

And so it is.

(c) June Allen

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Self Hate Healing Hack!

After years of not liking ourselves it can often be hard to set boundaries as part of our new commitment to self love.

One of the things that gives me so much joy is seeing how the Sacred Sistas in the mastermind have grown from using the community to practice and share what I call ’emotional book ending.’

It’s a really powerful way to set the boundary and get support to deal with any difficult feelings or backlash from the process. Click below to watch the video and get the tea on how it works!

Re-framing Self Doubt.

#juneslovenotes

Self doubt came up in the mastermind last week which can be debilitating if allowed to fester and sabotage our efforts. This is something that creeps up on me from time to time, especially when I’m trying new things so today, I want to share some reflections around how to reframe it.

Under the system of racism, many of us absorb an ocean of painful lies about what we deserve. We unconsciously believe that suffering is mandatory and joy is a luxury. Whiteness is the benchmark for happiness as wounded parents were unable to show us otherwise.

When melanin miracles appear, our inner critic pipes up to remind us that black folks can’t win. Our inner white terrorist is committed to silencing our ‘uppity negro.’

Doing the inner work helps us realise that self doubt is also our former, frightened self trying to keep us safe. Safe from being hurt, abandoned or shamed. In naming this voice, we understand a little more about ourselves, release its charge and reclaim our power.

What lies do you believe about yourself and how is it blocking your greatness sis?

In this moment, I will remember that self doubt is often the external voice of those who benefit from keeping me small. Today, I will use this opportunity to practice courage and show up for myself.

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‘Booty Call’ Healing.

#juneslovenotes

Last week I wrote a post about empowering business owners to rethink their ‘booty call’ marketing. They show up when they want to sell something and expect their audience to ‘put out’ on demand.

So many people identified with this lack of building any relationship but it also got me thinking about the same dynamic when it comes to the healing process. When we hurt, we want the tools now and the healing to happen immediately to ease our pain.

Truth is, if we jumped straight from pain to happiness in 5 minutes, many of us would sabotage it. We’ve be on the struggle bus for so long that the shock of being happy so quick would also bring the fear of having it robbed from us as quickly as we got it.

As painful as this is to hear, healing is a life time commitment that requires patience. We can’t change the impact of intergenerational and ongoing trauma under the system of racism with one workshop, therapy session or self help book.

But don’t be discouraged dear, sweet sista,

What we can do is just commit to the adventure of finding our sacred selves with ALL its moods and magic. As we take on the work with conviction, each tender moment of truth deepens our compassion and elevates our consciousness beyond the stars.

In this moment, I will remember that whilst ‘booty call’ healing may give relief in the now, building a solid legacy of emotional wealth is the biggest gift I can give myself, those I love, and those yet to come.

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Responding V Reacting.

#juneslovenotes

One of the most powerful signs that we’re on the road to wholeness is our ability to respond verses react. Reactions happen as unconscious knee jerk defenses which often rebound in our community through the shaming, ‘stop being so emotional’ conversation.

In recovery we use the term, ‘if you’re hysterical, it’s historical,’ this means that the person reacting often has a history of not being heard and the person making the negative statement is either disconnected from understanding the emotional displacement or cut off from their own empathy.

On the plantation, our ancestors could loose their lives for expressing emotion and this has unconsciously been passed down to us. Emotions have now become unsafe and weaponised to keep us silent.

The healing process allows us to release and process our unheard experiences from the past so our emotions in the present, are present.

In this moment, I will be honest about the wounds from my past that are still bleeding inside my now. Today, I will ask for help to heal these wounds and free my future.

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Black Business Marketing ‘Ted Talk’.

Dear Black Businesses,
This current climate is an amazing opportunity to serve the community if you are willing to do the work. Just to be clear although I am frustrated, I want you to win so I’m sharing this with love.
For the love of Black baby Jesus please stop shaming other black folks for not buying your product and focus on why. It’s not helping you and you’re just alienating your clients even more. If you want to know why they aren’t buying, here are some of the reasons I see.
1. You’re more worried about getting the money rather than meeting your clients needs and solving their problems.
2. They know you don’t really care about them.
3. You have booty call marketing ie you show up when you have something to sell then disappear.
4. You don’t nurture the customers you already have.
5. Your marketing is front heavy to get people in the door then the experience post sale is lame so they don’t buy again or recommend you to any one else.
6. There is no follow up experience to nurture or make them feel good about their purchase after the sale.
7. You don’t understand their cultural needs as it relates to your product.
8. They don’t trust you because you have a different business every week.
9. You don’t want to spend the money to invest in yourself and keep learning about business. (stop asking your cousin to do cheap sh*t)
10. You don’t have a website. If you are serious this is non negotiable.
11. You are not willing to do the inner work to decolonise the sh*t you’ve internalised about unworthiness and white supremacy.
12. You are not willing to do the work to build a relationship with your audience. i.e. Fear and low self esteem are stopping you from doing live stream etc.
Our community is not poor, they are looking for people who look like them who care about there needs. They want to be able to trust that you will deliver the goods to help and support them through this shitty climate and beyond. Now lets get to work!

To See and Be Seen.

Most mornings I try to connect with Da Plantain (my daughter’s nickname) by having a family check in, but the last few days have been a bit hit and miss. Today, we focused on the feelings and needs chart I created to help with self awareness and emotional literacy.

She looked through the feelings list and picked irritated, angry and jealous. My initial feeling was shame before wanting to launch into trying to justify myself, but this was her time. Because of my own awareness, I was able to just observe my response without acting on it and focus on her.

Instead, I responded by saying that unusually when you feel these things, it usually means that a need is not being met at some level. So we turned over the laminate which has various categories of needs and how they manifest. She picked the connection category along with ‘to see and be seen.’

In that moment I was able to understand the impact of the stress I had been under in recent weeks finishing college and my dads death. She felt resentful because I had not considered the impact of these things on her because they were not happening directly to her. She knows I love Cleo (the cat) so was also jealous any time I pet her because she felt disconnected.

First, I thanked her for being honest about how she felt and apologised for not being as available as she needed. I was also intentional about looking at her as I spoke so she felt seen and would know that I meant it.

It’s not been easy these last few weeks trying juggle everything, but Da Plantain helped me understand how disconnected I’d become and to remember that we’re in this together. Not only did she need to be seen, but I realised that I also needed her to see me as an imperfect women as well as her imperfect mother. Do you relate?

Affirmation: Today, I will remember the power of we and ‘to see and be seen’.

The Power of Black Sistahood

In these times of intense stress, it’s easy to get trapped in compulsive problem solving. Our survival energy is ramped up so we use it’s charge for intense busyness to release anxiety and feelings of powerlessness.

When I began creating the mastermind, I was obsessed with making sure there was lots of rich content with tools to transform. Members would use the material to understand their pain and process it through using the worksheets, videos and resources  I’d created and banked over the years.

What I learned yesterday from a Sista member was, whilst the library of wellness was extremely important for self study, it was secondary to the power of being held in the live weekly circles.

The real joy for her came from being seen, having her story heard and witnessed with compassion, without judgement, from sista’s who look like her.

Shared identification, solution focused healing and mirroring the greatness in each other is a powerful catalyst for change.

Today, I will remember that heart centered healing is not always about what I need to do, but making sure I have a safe space to be.

Bashment or Lovers Rock?

Happy International Reggae Day Fam!

With both my parents from Jamaica, it makes sense for me to fly the flag hard for it’s amazing influence on reggae culture.

The first time I fell in love with reggae was hearing the soundtrack from the film The Harder they come with Jimmy Cliff and Toots and the Maytals.

So why does singing our favorite chunes feel so damn good?

The voice box is connected to your vagus nerve which is the body’s longest super highway which connects our thoughts to feelings from the base of the brain to the abdomen (Google it).

When stimulated, this powerful system of roots and cables turns off our stress fight or flight response to regain a sense of balance and calm.

With the constant stress of living under the system of racism, it makes sense why singing, music and dance has always been a central role in our culture.

So as we celebrate the eclectic genius of reggae, whether you choose to twerk, whine or ride pon di river, consciously choose songs that uplift, soothe and ignite your melanin pride!

Today, I will remember that music is also therapy and black chunes matter!