Collective Work and Responsibility: Kwanzaa Day 3

Collective Work and Responsibility – Ujima : To build and maintain our community together and make our brothers’ and sisters’ problems our problems and to solve them together.

To be responsible is about acknowledging your duty of care, to be accountable for a person, place or thing. Internalised racism often means that working together and looking out for each other is a challenging task. We turn this around by staying committed to rebuilding ourselves so we can rebuild our communities.

Affirmation: I am my solution. I am my brotha/sista’s keeper.

If you’d like more awareness around your internalised racism, download the Kwanzaa Savers guide to reflect, rise and reconnect to your blacknificence.

www.kwanzaa.juneallen.net

 

Self Determination: Kwanzaa Day 2

Kwanzaa Day 2 is about Self-Determination (Kujichagulia). To define and name ourselves, as well as create and speak for ourselves.

The definition of self-determination is the act of making up one’s own mind about what to think or do, without outside influence. Living under the system of racism means that our thinking is often filled with negative thoughts about our blackness.

Today, remember that you can choose to embrace and honour your cultural values without apology.

If you’re feeling disconnected around your identity, download the Kwanzaa Savers guide to reflect, rise and reconnect to your blacknificence.

www.kwanzaa.juneallen.net

Happy Kwanzaa Unity!

Peace and blessing family, Happy Kwanzaa!

Kwanzaa is a global, week-long celebration which honours 7 cultural values. Kwanzaa means first fruits of the harvest in Swahili. This takes  place from 26th December to 1st January. We celebrate one principle each day using Swahili words and end with a huge feast and gift-giving.

Today is Day 1 which is all about unity (Umoja): To strive for and maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.

Unity is defined by how well we work together with others. It’s the opposite of being divided, to embrace togetherness. Under the system of racism, unity is often difficult because we internalise so much negativity about our blackness. In order for unity to thrive, we need to keep asking ‘where can I grow?’ and, ‘how can I serve?’

Just for today, remember that unity in the community begins with personal responsibility.  If you’re feeling stuck around your growth and want to nurture the unity within yourself, click below to download the Kwanzaa offers to reconnect to your growth process.

www.kwanzaa.juneallen.net

10 Family Boundaries for Christmas Calm

Only a few days left now before Christmas and if your anxiety is rising from thoughts about spending time with dysfunctional family. This simple checklist will help you make some compassionate choices about how you will spend your time. The first 5 questions are specific around your internal boundaries, getting honest about what feels OK for you. When you are clear about this internally, it will be easier to be clear about what will work in your family relationships. Use your journal to help you process, get clear and brainstorm ideas.  

  1. How do you want to feel?
  2. What happened last year that felt safe? What are this years triggers and what are your limits?
  3. Be realistic about your families limitations, where are you still fantasising or in denial about their behavior?    
  4. What network support do you have in place to make calls, go to recovery meetings etc?
  5. Where can you maintain or increase your self care rituals?

 These 5 are tools to manage your external relationship/family boundaries. 

  1. Organise your calendar so you have a structure in place. 
  2. Plan own transport so you are not reliant on anyone else if things get tough.
  3. Organise events with people who feel safe. Meet up with your ‘family of choice.’
  4. Limit time with crazy folk and give yourself permission to leave in you need to.
  5. Remember that presence is more important than the presents so share lots of gratitude to those who have been there for you.

If you would like a private space to share and receive more tools, you can schedule a call at www.callme.juneallen.net

3 Core Holidays Triggers To Manage with Love.

Today, I wanna talk about 3 core triggers to watch out for during the festive season and how to manage them with self love.

  1. Manic Energy: With all the shopping, planning, child school invites and all round pressure to always be filled with goodwill for the season, this can quickly lead to anxiety and stress. Use mindfulness to pause and listen to your body. What pressure are you giving yourself?   Be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to take some stuff off your plate.  
  2.  Shame: Most of the marketing we see around this time of the year is all about the joy of having a white Christmas. Apart from all the snow, this also includes white Santa, white happy families, white money being spent on expensive gifts for happy white lovers, wives and children. Without realising, this invisibility can generate feelings of shame and unworthiness around not living up to white holiday ‘aspirations.’  Shame cannot live in silence so look for cultural events like Kwanzaa to celebrate and connect with local community.
  3. Isolation: If you struggle with challenging loved ones, this time of year can be stressful. There may be extra pressure to attend family gatherings which trigger depression and wanting to isolate. If you identify, it’s important to remember that we cannot change others but we can chose how we respond. It’s OK to put your well-being at the top of the list. Use safe spaces like a therapist, support group and/or mentor  to share these challenges.

If you are struggling with any of the above and need additional support, you can schdeule a call with me at www.callme.juneallen.net

YOG36 A Sneek Peep Inside The Bell Hooks Book Club.

Hey, Hey Sacred Sista,

If you’ve been on the fence about joining the circle, you’re in for a treat today! I’m giving you a sneek peep inside the what, the why and the how of this blackalicious sacred space. In this podcast episode, I share the step by step process through the session and why sista’s are returning to continue their journey to wholeness. Topics include:

How does black self hate show up in your behavior?

How to use the tools for empoWOMBent.

Defining self love, how do you know when you love yourself?

Why Sista sharing boundaries are crucial for building trust.

The power of cultural meditation.

Click below to listen to this episode.

To join the circle click below.

 

How to Heal With Black Women When You Were Bullied By Them.

Many of us understand that black self hate and colorism is a huge issue in our community, but many do not understand it’s complexity and how it manifests inside our relationships. In today’s session, I answer a question from a biracial sista who wants to heal with black women, is doing the work, but finds it very triggering because she was bullied by black women. In this podcast I share:

The origins of colorism and sista pain.

How this fear impacts your relationship with self, parenting and partners.

Racial mindfulness.

How to chose a healing space.

What to do if you feel triggered inside a healing space.

My own journey of learning to love my Sista’s.

Click below to listen.

Book mentioned in this episode.

To attend the book club go to www.sistacircle.juneallen.net

x3 Book Club Blessings.

This weekend (8th December) will be the 3rd Sacred Sista Circle Book Club where we study, ‘Sista’s of The Yam: Black Women and Self Recovery.’ By Bell Hooks.

I have to say that I’ve had several emotional moments being in the space where sista’s felt safe enough to begin sharing their truth and finding themselves. I feel so grateful to be trusted, not with telling them what to do, but in showing them where to look. Where to find their divinity often buried beneath the rubble of unheard black pain. It takes courage to keep showing up and keep taking these emotional risks, but we do it to change our painful pasts, to draw a line under our recycled, generational shame.

It’s an exciting time to start doing this work because so many of us understand the importance of having these safe boundaried spaces for black women, to be heard and seen for who they are without apology. This space really is sacred because:

  • Seeing someone who looks like you share there experience and being able to identify builds trust and nurtures  hope. Melanin reflections matter.
  • Talking about the internal solutions to our collective struggles helps us feel empowered to begin seeding the change in our lives.
  • Boundaries play a core role in the space which allows your experience to be witnessed without judgement, shame or minimising. This opens up the space for more truth telling and connects us as a sistahood and community.

Thank you to the beautiful sista’s who continue to allow me to be part of their healing journey; and for those of you watching on the sidelines, we’re hear for you when you’re ready to join us.

For details of how you can join the Sista Circle Book Club in person and virtual, go to www.sistacircle.juneallen.net 

 

The Ultimate To Do List For Black Self Love!

  1. Do it first – Make self love a priority.
  2. Do it slowly! Loving yourself can feel uncomfortable if you’re not used to it, so do it slowly so you can learn about yourself with presence #babystepsmatter.
  3. Do it with feeling – You can only heal through feeling your way through the healing process. Use your sacred sista time to identify what feelings come up and observe how you respond. This awareness will help your needs.
  4. Do it scared – Change is uncomfortable which is why it’s important to be clear about your why. Why do you want to love yourself? How will you life change as you do? Feel that fear and do it anyway.
  5. Do it regardless – Sometimes the people close to you won’t like the boundaries that come with self love because it often means saying no to them! As you learn to love yourself, you will attract those who will honor your new found self respect.
  6. Do it with others – Find a safe sista space to share, identify and heal as a community.
  7. Do it again – Repeat the experiences with people, places and things that nurture your self love.
  8. Do it with gratitude – Pump up the gratitude by focusing on how you FEEL about something you are grateful for. Remember how far you have come.
  9. Do it with patience – Healing, learning and changing is exhausting so take your time.
  10. Do it with love – Be kind and gentle. Forgive yourself as many times as you need to be forgiven.

The greatest act of self love is changed behavior.  If you would like support and tools for more self love, join us for this months Sacred Sista Circle Book Club. Click the link below to get your tickets.

Happy 50th Birthday To Me!

Today is my 50th Birthday and I am so grateful to be alive, thriving and sober! I’ve already been in the ugly cry several times today from all the wonderful messages from friends and my Sacred Sista Mentees.

I used to hate birthdays in the past because it would trigger shame about being seen, anxiety around being with others and a desperate isolation knowing that I could not connect with anyone who looked like me. Today, my racial sobriety has given me the awareness and tools to work through the vulnerability of my blackness and embrace a deeper connection with my community.

This year, I’ve planned a mixture of chilled and social events. This picture is me chilling with a green tea before I have my massage. Yaaaasssss.

Despite it being my birthday, my biggest gift is being able serve you. To continue sharing my experience, strength and hope so you know you’re not alone. In honor of this  commitment, I couldn’t let today go by without giving you the opportunity to get some goodies in my birthday power sale! These offers are only available till midnight on Friday London time!

Dive in at www.birthday.juneallen.net 

Your welcome!

J x