Body Shame Clap backs 👀

Every time I get dressed, my inner critic laughs at my lockdown love handles, shaming me about what others would say if they saw me naked.

When she pipes up, I say STFU and feel gratitude for the extra curves that kept me alive through this pandemic the racial stress and sadness of loosing my dad.

With lockdown now eased in the UK, some of you have told me that you’re anxious about seeing family over Christmas because they won’t stop opening their toxic mouths about your body.
‘You”ve put on weight.’

“You’re too skinny.’

‘What happened to your hair?’

‘What have you got on?’

Blah blah blah yada yada yada

Sometimes family think they have the right to say mean things just because you’re related. Folks got so much shit to say about you, but can’t get their own crazy lives together.

Repeat after me.

This season, I will stop giving my previous energy to anyone I would not go to for advice. If folks take it upon themselves to verbally assault my body, I will remember that I am a queen and will clap back that my body is my business.

👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾

My body is my business.

My body is my business.

My body is my business.

(If you’re feeling brave, keep this one in your back pocket.)

👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾

Your toxic mouth is not welcome!

Your toxic mouth is not welcome!

Your toxic mouth is not welcome!

You are not alone

Early December is often filled with the busyness of Christmas. Spending money, expectations and gatherings build an emotional crescendo before falling into the stillness at the end of the month with endless TV, left overs and reflections of the year with those we love.

Sometimes, this season is a painful reminder of those we’ve lost and sometimes, that loss includes ourselves.

Whatever comes up, just know that you’re not alone. If things get tough, use these tools to ride out the season and maintain your wellness.

  • Use daily sacred sista time to explore and honour your feelings.
  • Focus on the nurturing relationships and spend less time with the ones that aren’t.
  • Presence is more important than the presents.
  • Get out in nature, #treesareareasuperpower

Affirmation: This season, I will accept each day as it comes and stay open to receiving the love and support I deserve.

Expansion

When we’re raised in environments that don’t allow us the space to grow, we unconsciously adapt our behaviour to suit the external demands. This can also happen in healing where tools which worked for us at one time are now blocking our expansion.

Greatness requires us to not get complacent about our journey, no matter how long we’ve been on the road. Our evolution requires an ongoing shedding, unlearning and buffing.

Today, I will remember that there are still glorious, deeper depths of greatness for me to discover. In this moment, I will open my heart with willingness to embrace the next adventure.

(c) June Allen

5 Signs you’re ready to start the healing process.

‘How do I know when I’m ready start the healing process?’ Sometimes we can be so wrapped up in getting through each day that we don’t recognise when it’s time to start being more intentional about our healing process. If you’ve been in the game a while, some of these things my be your Higher Self trying to give you a nudge.

  1. You’re tired of doing the self help work alone.
  2. You’re stuck in blaming others for where you are now.  
  3. You’re tired of being so hard on yourself all the time and want to learn how to love yourself. 
  4. You’re tired of people pleasing and code switching in white spaces to fit other people’s expectations.
  5. You’re overwhelmed with emotion because you don’t have a safe space to unload and unpack your challenges as a black women. 

If any of this makes sense you are not alone. If you’re ready to start doing the healing work you, click here to join the Sacred Sista Sanctuary. 

What is emotional safety for black women?

After quite an emotional week last week I felt so grateful for my support network who were able to hold me through the melt down. With so many of the women I work with feeling grateful for  the space I hold for them to be vulnerable, I want to share my take on what is emotional safety and what it means for black women in their respective support spaces.

  1. Can they hear you?
  2. Can they see you?
  3. Can they feel you?
  4. Can they hold you?
  5. Can they walk with you?

Intrigued? Watch for a deeper exploration.

Relationship Crumbs?

When pain is a standard part of growing up, it makes sense why so many of us adapted by being need less and want less. Our care givers may say they loved us, yet failed time and time again to consider our needs.
 
Under the system of racism, there’s no room for emotional nourishment. It’s commitment to dehumanisation strips us of the ability to relate and care for each other beyond survival.
 
If we’re hurt too many times as children without repair, it’s easy to settle for relationship crumbs as adults. The deprivation then becomes an armor which allows us to hide in being strong for others, while we privately suffer the pain of intimacy being unsafe.
 
Sometimes we’re so afraid of loss, that we can’t ask for what we need. In healing, we grieve the loss of nurturing and release our need to be invisible.
 
In this moment, I will remember that I deserve to be seen and heard. Today, I will give myself permission to ask for what I want.
 

Birthday Truth.

Birthdays can be bitter sweet as you get older because the celebration of another year is also a reminder of the relationship losses and regret around the things that have not manifested or worked out.
Last Friday was my 52 birthday and I work up with so much sadness from being in lockdown and isolated from those I care about.
It would now be easy to beat myself up for the sadness and force a fantasy of euphoria and gratitude when I was actually feeling an avalanche of lockdown grief.
In accepting this truth, I allowed the day to dip and rise without judgement. By the evening, I was overwhelmed with gratitude from teaching a virtual class that celebrated the 1 year anniversary of the magical Ghana retreat.
Being transported back to the motherland with my business partner Faith and a group of beautiful sistas gave me hope. A powerful reminder that this COVID insanity is just for today and I can build joy into my future staying committed to knowledge and service.
In healing I’ve learned that the truth is a powerful path to self acceptance. Today, I will remember that every feeling matters and I don’t have to suffer with them alone.

What does, ‘doing the healing work’ actually mean?

In this weeks live I want to talk to you about what doing the healing work actually means. We often hear the phrase thrown around on the wellness circuit, but does it actually mean in practical terms?

  1. It means telling the truth, firstly to ourselves.
  2. Asking for help in spaces that understand racism as a system and are culturally competent.
  3. Staying willing to trust the process, letting go of the outcome and taking the baby steps needed to move forward.

Know Thyself.

To know thyself is to honor our inner world. It’s falling in love with ourselves at the deepest, richest level.

In homes where pain is the head of the household, knowledge is forbidden. In a system which demands our silence, intimacy is fused with abuse.

With knowledge comes the wisdom of emotional sobriety and saying no brings the precious gift of serenity.

Freedom to think, seeds the freedom to feel. Freedom to feel brings the fearless change that liberates us from the strain of under-being.

In healing, as we release the lies we believe about ourselves, we close the gap between who we think we are, and who we really want to be.

In this moment I will remember that authentic intimacy with others must begin with divine intimacy with the self. When I dare to embrace my greatness, I also light the path for others to do the same.

 

If you enjoyed this love note from June you can click here to get them in your inbox every week.

How to deal with lockdown and election anxiety.

With the UK going into lockdown again today and the results of the election about to be revealed, I’m hearing a lot of you talking about anxiety. Yesterday, I caught myself in compulsive overworking mode and when I eventually crawled into bed I paused to check in with myself to get present to what was really going on. I’ve learned over the years that underneath anxiety was my body’s way of warning me that something (or someone) feels unsafe or a boundary has been crossed. 

With parenting, studying, holding space for others and doing some trauma work, I’d let my own self care slip. Sometimes we can be so focused on trying to deal with the anxiety that we miss the message it’s trying to bring us underneath it. The election has revealed the increase in people voting for someone who’s been blatant about his white supremacist views. The lockdown is a reminder of how black and brown folks are more vulnerable around COVID with no support from the government around how this is being addressed.

Whilst I had not been thinking about how these things impact me personally, my anxiety was a reminder that I need to check in with myself and do this work. In this session, I’m going to share how I deal with anxiety and how it can be your ally in this current climate.