Category: SELF LOVE

Self – Intimacy

June Allen

Recycled racial pain means that intimacy is often confused with self abandonment, smothering and chronic care taking.

You co-dependently cram your emotional space with the needs of others in order to belong, connect and feel ‘loved.’

When this becomes a default pattern in your life, being seen then becomes a painful trigger for shame and isolation from those you love.

In recovery,  we learn that self intimacy must proceed relational intimacy. We use patience, kindness and self reflection to take the tender journey back to ourselves.

When you master the art of self intimacy, the whole world becomes your lover.

This connection is nurtured by your ability to explore, reflect and ride the journey of being human.

As you surrender to the process of discovery, you’ll move from avoiding intimacy with isolation, to honoring your divinity in solitude.

Today, I will remember that I don’t have to give up my identity to be intimate.

Affirmation: Authentic intimacy with another begins with….. in/to/me/see.

If you’re a daughter who struggles with the relationship with yourself because of your abusive black mother, join me and an intimate group of other wounded daughters for a healing 6 week mastermind, sign up here. 

Till next time

June x

YOG28: The Seven Keys to Black Empowerment: #1 Truth.

June Allen 2 Comments
Greetings Fam,
Over the next 7 weeks, I’m excited to be sharing, ‘The Seven Keys to Black Empowerment.’ The actual steps and processes we need to go through in order to end white supremacy from the inside out!
In this podcast episode, we’re talking about the the first key which is TRUTH. If we’re going to live an authentic, blackalicious life we must be willing to tell the truth about who and where we are. So why do we lie and HOW can we begin to speak our unapologetic the truth? This week I’ll share why telling the truth is hard for black people under the system of racism and within our relationships. We’ll also explore the internal consequences of lies, finding safe spaces to share and how it will transform your black self respect.
Enjoy!

Click here to listen to this weeks session.

Links Mentioned in this episode

www.scared.juneallen.net 

Wounded Daughters webinar

www.therapy.juneallen.net

How to find a great black therapist.

www.byb.juneallen.net

Wounded daughters mastermind.

Self Compassion

June Allen
One of the characteristics of being out of alignment, is when we lose touch with our humanity. With the endless demands of life and the exhaustion of living under white supremacy, we’re numb to our own basic needs. The result is that we become trapped in the doing instead of staying present in the being.
As black women, we’re taught to nurture everyone else. We’ve become the mules  of the world and a lot of us do this in chronic emotional pain and isolation. In my wounded daughters series, I also talk about the added stress of having to navigate the challenges of maternal abuse.
When we practice self compassion, we seed the reconnection to our humanness. As we accept the truth about where we are, we can begin to make healthier choices about how our needs can be met.  In today’s podcast, I’m sharing 3 ways to practice revolutionary self compassion.
Till next time
With Blackalicious Love
June x

Recovery Step 2 Reflections

June Allen

Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Many of us have lost hope under the oppressive grind of white supremacy. You don’t trust anyone who looks like you because of the recycled family trauma.

You also don’t trust white people because they consciously and unconsciously act out, refine and maintain the system of racism. So we survive this mess through compulsive self-reliance. ‘I can be badass all by myself!’

Truth is, we’re wired for connection and all this ‘independent’ talk is really code for, ‘I’m scared to trust.’  Trust calls for a willingness to be vulnerable and being vulnerable triggers the pain of our early betrayals.

In recovery step 2, this is the beginning of learning to trust again. We start to give up control and become willing to build a new relationship with our Higher Self. A process of spiritual and racial intimacy that evolves over time.

This is done by breaking down the step words ‘Came to believe.’

First we, ‘came.’ We show up at meetings, call our sponsor, outreach with our brotha’s and sista’s and do the race related step work.

Second we, ‘came to.’ Our melanin magic awakens as we begin to experience the power of racial sobriety.

Third we, ‘came to believe.’ We begin to restore Maat (balance and harmony) as the empowerment process takes root inside how we show up in the world.

Today, I will remember that I am spiritual being having a human experience.

Affirmation: I am willing to trust the greater power within myself.

Ashe!

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When is the right time to start your healing?

June Allen
‘The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. – Alice Walker.
We’re already at the end of January and hopefully, happy holidays have faded into the distance. However, if you’re still seething from the savage reminder of the pain still being recycled around you, how long are you willing to avoid looking at the cost of your denial in these relationships?
How long are you willing to accept unhappiness, because you’re trapped in the pain of uncertainty? When is going to be the right time to start doing the heart work?
January is the time we make promises with good intentions about the changes we want in our lives. We’re tired of dragging around the same old dysfunction and make endless promises to align our expectations with idealistic perfection.
We say what we want,  we understand why we want it, but fail to have an honest dialog about HOW we’re actually going to get it. January is done and real life has settled in so we slip back into the same coping strategies we used to avoid the pain of living in our truth.
Now we’re soaked in the shame of falling off the empowerment wagon again, and again, and again. When is going to be the right time to ask for help?
Procrastinated tomorrows only poison your legacy and trap you inside the unheard pain of today. Extracting dysfunction doesn’t have to wind you from being present in everyday life. Your transformation can take place in a cultural village nurtured through tenderness, understanding and patience.
In recovery, we learn that change doesn’t happen through annual declarations and willpower. We gently take our time to work the program and use the tools to take the next compassionate step, from one moment to the next. There is never a right time to start doing the heart work, you just have to decide and then take action.  Now. In this moment. No matter how small.
Today, I am willing to admit powerlessness over my fear of change. The longer I stay in denial, the more my life and relationships become unmanageable.
Affirmation: I am worthy of healing. I choose to ask for help from those who have walked the path before me.
With Blackalicious love.
June x

Are You Scared of Becoming Your Mother?

June Allen

‘A wounded daughters acceptance of her mother’s inability to love requires willingness and courage. Willingness to accept the truth about her mothers limitations and courage to change the way she responds without self blame.’

This quote is an exert from a series of empowerment training’s I’m writing to honor the wounded daughters of abusive black mothers.

We cannot have honest conversations about wanting to end white supremacy, until we’re ready to raise our hands and do the healing work required to free ourselves internally.

I still have moments of pain and grief around my mother’s behavior, but I stay committed to the healing work because greatness is my birthright.

I also want a loving, mother experience for my little Plaintain, Zuri. 🙂

The more I learn and speak, the more I understand  the suffering in the community.

I want you to know that you are not alone.

There is hope.

When you empower a women you empower a nation.

You spoke, I listened.

Today, I’m sharing an opportunity for wounded daughters to have a compassionate, non-judgmental space to explore this topic and begin to find peace.  Details are below.

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YOG27: The Power of Black Mindfulness with Faith Agugu.

June Allen
Greetings Family,
With the hustle and bustle of the holidays along the juggernaut of white supremacy, it’s important to be able to stay present to what is going on internally.
This week, I’m happy to be sharing the podcast space with Faith Agugu. A compassionate, holistic counselor and healer who’s generous with her wisdom on how to use mindfulness as a ‘secret weapon’ for wellness and personal empowerment.
We also chat about the white washing of mindfulness, the spirituality of melanin, loving your inner child, recovery and so much more! There are so many nuggets in this one, don’t miss it!
Enjoy!

Click here to listen to this weeks session.

Links mentioned in this episode.
You can reach Faith here:
Book the workshop or 1 on 1 session :
Meditations:
Any other questions or comments, email June at [email protected]

Give yourself the gift of empowerment.

Need a Safe Black Healing Space?

June Allen

Hey Fam,

After publishing the recent podcast about loosing my brother to addiction, I received some powerful responses about how it moved and motivated you to get sober. There was also talk of struggles with experiencing racism in the recovery rooms.

With December and the holidays upon us, it’s also a very triggering time for those of us raised in abusive, addictive families. This means that our need for support and a sense of belonging is even more important.

The kickback around having safe black spaces has always had its challenges because white supremacy will often shame us into believing we’re practicing ‘reverse racism’.

We need a safe space to address our cultural needs without the gaze of white fragility. No one ever questions men or women only groups that want to explore gender, so this is of course another racist hurdle we have to deal with.

Many of us are so worn down by the pressure to conform, that we end up in inappropriate kumbayah spaces where our needs are ignored, and our historical wounds continue to bleed.

I promised my brother that I would stay committed to my own recovery and serve you by sharing ways to emancipate yourself through personal empowerment and racial sobriety beyond the 12 steps. You deserve the right to enjoy this planet without fear.

That said, if I created a space online for us to have some honest, solution focused conversations about internalised racism, recovery and empowerment would that be of interest to you?

If yes, sign up below on the wait list to register your interest.

www.community.juneallen.net

 

Till next time,

With Blackalicious love.

June

 

 

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www.juneallen.net

Helping you heal from internalised racism through personal empowerment and racial sobriety.

YOG26:10 Ways to Manage Black Pain

June Allen

Greetings Family,

The reason why so many of us struggle under the system of white supremacy, is because we don’t understand our pain or what to do with it. When we’re triggered by all the racist aggression, we deny, avoid and stuff down the emotions in order to cope with the abuse and feelings of powerlessness. The unheard pain is internalised, and it’s energy leaks out in how we care for ourselves and those we love.

A crucial part of our healing requires us to honor our black pain. It’s essential to find healthy, sober ways to listen to what the pain is trying to tell us, and transform it into behaviours which restore our sense of balance. Our suffering can teach us where we need to set boundaries around the  people, places or things which undermining our serenity. In this session, I share 10 tools to manage your black pain.

Listen up below.

 

Till next time,

With Blackalicous Love,

June

Links mentioned in this episode:

FREE mini course ‘7 Days of revolutionary black self love’