YOG32: The 7 Keys To Black Empowerment: #5 Setting Boundaries

Greetings Fam,

We’re continuing our conversation to find the 7 Keys To Black Empowerment. The 5th key is all about setting boundaries. If you don’t know what does and doesn’t work for you, you make yourself vulnerable to abuse.

In this session I explores the difference between social, external and internal  boundaries. I also share how practicing them must be the foundation for our emotional emancipation and personal empowerment!

Enjoy!

www.daughters.juneallen.net

Healing from racism through personal empowerment and the 12 steps of recovery.

 

Letting Go

One of the hardest things about the healing process is letting go of control.

Many of us have experienced so much pain, that our lives have become a compulsive mission to control everything around us so that we feel safe.

We’re desperate to feel secure because our wiring has been all chaos, unpredictability and mistrust. Staying in this fear driven space feeds our insanity because we cannot possibly control everything and everyone.

I’m hearing a lot of Sista’s sharing the pain about their abusive mothers and the powerless yearning they feel around the hurtful behavior.

You’re looking for answers, solutions and understanding as to how you can control your mothers abuse and end your pain. The truth is, you can’t.

The only solution is to let go of control and surrender to taking care of yourself. Surrendering doesn’t mean being her doormat, it literally means to stop fighting. To step back, breathe and stop fighting with yourself. To stop resisting and pushing back against the reality of what is going on in your body at this very moment as a result.

Letting go doesn’t mean that feelings of control will disappear, it just means that your willingness to surrender will redirect this energy towards actions that focus on you.

Today, I will let go and surrender to the truth of where I am in this moment.

 

Till next time,

With Blackalicious love.

June x

Links mentioned in this episode: www.daughters.juneallen.net

 

YOG30: The 7 Keys to Black Empowerment: #3 Understand Racism.

Greetings Fam,

Today, I’m continuing our conversation about the 7 keys to black empowerment. The 3rd key is to study our enemy. In order heal, we must understand racism. This session will teach you WHAT racism is through the work of Mr Neely Fuller, and WHY racism is here through the work of Dr Francis Cress Welsing.

Be empowered!

 

Books mentioned in this episode:

Mr Neely Fuller: www.producejustice.com

Dr Welsing: The Isis Papers

6 week mastermind for wounded daughters: Join the waiting list at www.daughters.juneallen.net

 

YOG29: The 7 Keys to Black Empowerment: #2 Use Your Tools.

Many of us are not taught emotional literacy in our families because survival is the default way of being. Feelings are not allowed so you deny, suppress, numb out and react whenever you feel unsafe.

Emotional sobriety is our ability to feel and cope with our emotions. This helps us to respond instead of reacting to our environment. When we’re sober we can make better choices for ourselves, our family and community.

In order to achieve emotional sobriety, you need to use the appropriate tools to honor your feelings and shift the energy to create change instead of feeling enslaved inside their intensity.

In today’s podcast I share the 2nd Key to Black Empowerment, Use The Tools. I share more about the power of emotional sobriety and my 3 step system with tools to empower yourself psychologically.

Links mentioned in this episode.

The 7 Keys to Black Empowerment: #1 Truth

6 week mastermind for wounded daughters. join the wait list at  www.daughters.juneallen.net.

 

 

 

 

Self – Intimacy

Recycled racial pain means that intimacy is often confused with self abandonment, smothering and chronic care taking.

You co-dependently cram your emotional space with the needs of others in order to belong, connect and feel ‘loved.’

When this becomes a default pattern in your life, being seen then becomes a painful trigger for shame and isolation from those you love.

In recovery,  we learn that self intimacy must proceed relational intimacy. We use patience, kindness and self reflection to take the tender journey back to ourselves.

When you master the art of self intimacy, the whole world becomes your lover.

This connection is nurtured by your ability to explore, reflect and ride the journey of being human.

As you surrender to the process of discovery, you’ll move from avoiding intimacy with isolation, to honoring your divinity in solitude.

Today, I will remember that I don’t have to give up my identity to be intimate.

Affirmation: Authentic intimacy with another begins with….. in/to/me/see.

If you’re a daughter who struggles with the relationship with yourself because of your abusive black mother, join me and an intimate group of other wounded daughters for a healing 6 week mastermind, sign up here. 

Till next time

June x

YOG28: The Seven Keys to Black Empowerment: #1 Truth.

Greetings Fam,
Over the next 7 weeks, I’m excited to be sharing, ‘The Seven Keys to Black Empowerment.’ The actual steps and processes we need to go through in order to end white supremacy from the inside out!
In this podcast episode, we’re talking about the the first key which is TRUTH. If we’re going to live an authentic, blackalicious life we must be willing to tell the truth about who and where we are. So why do we lie and HOW can we begin to speak our unapologetic the truth? This week I’ll share why telling the truth is hard for black people under the system of racism and within our relationships. We’ll also explore the internal consequences of lies, finding safe spaces to share and how it will transform your black self respect.
Enjoy!

Links Mentioned in this episode

www.scared.juneallen.net 

Wounded Daughters webinar

www.therapy.juneallen.net

How to find a great black therapist.

www.byb.juneallen.net

Wounded daughters mastermind.

Self Compassion

One of the characteristics of being out of alignment, is when we lose touch with our humanity. With the endless demands of life and the exhaustion of living under white supremacy, we’re numb to our own basic needs. The result is that we become trapped in the doing instead of staying present in the being.
As black women, we’re taught to nurture everyone else. We’ve become the mules  of the world and a lot of us do this in chronic emotional pain and isolation. In my wounded daughters series, I also talk about the added stress of having to navigate the challenges of maternal abuse.
When we practice self compassion, we seed the reconnection to our humanness. As we accept the truth about where we are, we can begin to make healthier choices about how our needs can be met.  In today’s podcast, I’m sharing 3 ways to practice revolutionary self compassion.
Till next time
With Blackalicious Love
June x

Recovery Step 2 Reflections

Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Many of us have lost hope under the oppressive grind of white supremacy. You don’t trust anyone who looks like you because of the recycled family trauma.

You also don’t trust white people because they consciously and unconsciously act out, refine and maintain the system of racism. So we survive this mess through compulsive self-reliance. ‘I can be badass all by myself!’

Truth is, we’re wired for connection and all this ‘independent’ talk is really code for, ‘I’m scared to trust.’  Trust calls for a willingness to be vulnerable and being vulnerable triggers the pain of our early betrayals.

In recovery step 2, this is the beginning of learning to trust again. We start to give up control and become willing to build a new relationship with our Higher Self. A process of spiritual and racial intimacy that evolves over time.

This is done by breaking down the step words ‘Came to believe.’

First we, ‘came.’ We show up at meetings, call our sponsor, outreach with our brotha’s and sista’s and do the race related step work.

Second we, ‘came to.’ Our melanin magic awakens as we begin to experience the power of racial sobriety.

Third we, ‘came to believe.’ We begin to restore Maat (balance and harmony) as the empowerment process takes root inside how we show up in the world.

Today, I will remember that I am spiritual being having a human experience.

Affirmation: I am willing to trust the greater power within myself.

Ashe!

When is the right time to start your healing?

‘The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. – Alice Walker.
We’re already at the end of January and hopefully, happy holidays have faded into the distance. However, if you’re still seething from the savage reminder of the pain still being recycled around you, how long are you willing to avoid looking at the cost of your denial in these relationships?
How long are you willing to accept unhappiness, because you’re trapped in the pain of uncertainty? When is going to be the right time to start doing the heart work?
January is the time we make promises with good intentions about the changes we want in our lives. We’re tired of dragging around the same old dysfunction and make endless promises to align our expectations with idealistic perfection.
We say what we want,  we understand why we want it, but fail to have an honest dialog about HOW we’re actually going to get it. January is done and real life has settled in so we slip back into the same coping strategies we used to avoid the pain of living in our truth.
Now we’re soaked in the shame of falling off the empowerment wagon again, and again, and again. When is going to be the right time to ask for help?
Procrastinated tomorrows only poison your legacy and trap you inside the unheard pain of today. Extracting dysfunction doesn’t have to wind you from being present in everyday life. Your transformation can take place in a cultural village nurtured through tenderness, understanding and patience.
In recovery, we learn that change doesn’t happen through annual declarations and willpower. We gently take our time to work the program and use the tools to take the next compassionate step, from one moment to the next. There is never a right time to start doing the heart work, you just have to decide and then take action.  Now. In this moment. No matter how small.
Today, I am willing to admit powerlessness over my fear of change. The longer I stay in denial, the more my life and relationships become unmanageable.
Affirmation: I am worthy of healing. I choose to ask for help from those who have walked the path before me.
With Blackalicious love.
June x