😢 Your Tears Matter.

There’s been many times on this journey when pain has driven me into hiding.

I couldn’t bare to be seen.

In hiding from others, I could also hide from myself.

Under the system of racism, I absorbed the don’t talk, don’t feel, don’t trust rule so the shame and vulnerability fed the compulsion to abandon myself.

Sound familiar ?

If you relate, just know that you are not alone. In these moments, we must remember that we are the first generation from the plantation to do this work. After centuries of ongoing abuse, we are not only trying to process the pain in our lifetime, but the unexpressed pain passed down in our DNA.

In healing we learn that in order for things to change, we have to change the way we care for ourselves. Sometimes this means giving our confusion grace, unpacking painful feelings or raging at ‘God.’

In this moment I will remember that my tears matter and I don’t have to be in crisis to ask for help. Today, I will reach out to someone I trust and ask them to hold a space for me to weep.

😁 Tiktok Play!

Graduation Greatness!

A couple of weeks ago I was  bursting with pride after hearing the graduation stories from my mastermind mentees. Since January, we’ve worked through my Self Love Essentials Course which empowers them to unpack their pain and build a nurturing relationship with themselves and each other.

During the session we recapped each class before sharing the wins, challenges and lessons. Titles from the course included:
How to set heart centered racial wellness goals.

How to review your wellness goals.

How to create a wellness vision board.

How to create a daily wellness practice.

Understanding your emotions.

The black women right to rage.

How to respond to anger from others.

The psychology of racism.

The Melanin Theory with Dr. Francis Cress-Welsing.

My Black is Beautiful: The politics of Black femininity.

Ital Beauty workshop: Home made recipes for nourishing your black body.

These first few months of the year have been intense but so worth it to hear these phrases during the graduation, ‘I’m becoming accustomed to how powerful I am,’ to ‘I found my voice!’ and ‘I found some real friendships here.’

These sista’s have ignited their inner mothers and become warriors of self love through learning to be vulnerable when they felt safe and visible in spaces they never thought they could.

The previous pain of mistrust and betrayal by other black women in their lives has shifted because they chose to show up each week, trust themselves and do the work. I am humbled that they trust me with their process and this is why I absolutely love what I do.

There is no magic wellness formula.

I show up and do my own work personally and as a therapist so I can hold a compassionate, cultural space for black women to do theirs.

This work is not easy and sometimes it gets bloody but the magic that happens when black women embrace their growth and greatness is so God damn beautiful and I’m here for it!

Today, I will look back at how much I’ve grown and celebrate ALL of me. I am imperfectly perfect. I am powerful. I stand in my greatness.

For more details about the mastermind go to www.join.juneallen.net

Self love lane.

Sometimes, the stories we tell ourselves are fear based, recycled lies from dysfunction family members and internalised racist thinking. We feel unworthy of love and respect because our black bodies are so used to being the space for others to dump their shit.
In healing, we learn to separate what belongs to us and what we need to give back to others.
Today, I will remember that the dysfunction of others is not mine to fix. I will allow others to have their experience and stay in my self love lane.

How to deal with procrastination.

Mid January is the time that many of us often slack off around the new year promises we made to ourselves so today, I’m talking about 3 simple ways to deal with procrastination.

  1. Underneath procrastination is fear calling for compassion so ask yourself what you’re afraid of and work from there. Share your fear with someone you trust so they can help you though it.
  2. Reviewing your calendar to underschedule and reduce overwhelm will bring a manageable spaciousness to your productivity. 
  3. Break the bigger job into smaller actions.

Watch the live stream to get more juice out of this content!

Things to consider before setting racial wellness goals.

Are you struggling with clarity or bringing a cultural flavor to your new year wellness commitments? Before diving into any manifesting, goal setting and vision work, it’s always good to pause and think about how the process can be kept simple and clear. These 7 reflections will help to explore your racial wellness needs with more depth to bring your vision to life. 

  • Set your intentions and goals without the expectations of others or social stereotypes. 
  • Change takes time so schedule daily sacred sista space and be patient.
  • Be clear about your personal and cultural values.
  • Choose habits that nurture the desired racial identity. What does she do, eat, read etc? How does she behave?
  • How do you want to feel? Self esteem requires esteemable acts.
  • Manifesting  will not feel good, so explore if the risk and pain is worth it? 
  • Keep it simple and focus on the domino goal that will influence your other goals. Mastering one makes it easier to achieve them in other areas.

3 Essential tools to help you this year.

With the new year off the starting blocks I’m feeling a bit tentative about what’s around the corner.  Do you relate? This COVID mayhem is far from over so I’m keepin it in the day. Also, I’m sharing 3 essential things that helped me stay sane last year (despite all the madness) that will help you this year. Enjoy x

Can’t love, won’t love? 💔

Sometimes we tie ourselves in knots, trying to make sense of the reason why those who said they loved us couldn’t follow through.

Is it me?

What did I do?

Why can’t they love me ?

Sometimes we’re so desperate to be loved that we think abandoning ourselves some more will bring them closer. Truth is, this self neglect hiding as ‘love’ only feeds the shame and resentment when our needs remain unmet.

In these moments of sadness and confusion, sometimes reframing the reality helps us understand that it’s not that the other person won’t love us, it’s because they can’t.

Racism is a toxic shame based system that shuts down our ability to attach to others in a healthy way. Without healing, we can’t unpick the poison we’ve inherited or what’s been internalised in our lifetime.

Without awareness, we recycle the pain and act it out through colorism, self hate and violence inside our families and relationships.

When we commit to doing the work, we give ourselves permission to grieve the absence of love from our traumatised village and the loss of not being allowed to be ourselves.

Today, I will remember that it’s not the black man against the black woman, but African people against white terrorism.