Category: RELATIONSHIPS

What is emotional safety for black women?

June Allen

After quite an emotional week last week I felt so grateful for my support network who were able to hold me through the melt down. With so many of the women I work with feeling grateful for  the space I hold for them to be vulnerable, I want to share my take on what is emotional safety and what it means for black women in their respective support spaces.

  1. Can they hear you?
  2. Can they see you?
  3. Can they feel you?
  4. Can they hold you?
  5. Can they walk with you?

Intrigued? Watch for a deeper exploration.

Relationship Crumbs?

June Allen
When pain is a standard part of growing up, it makes sense why so many of us adapted by being need less and want less. Our care givers may say they loved us, yet failed time and time again to consider our needs.
 
Under the system of racism, there’s no room for emotional nourishment. It’s commitment to dehumanisation strips us of the ability to relate and care for each other beyond survival.
 
If we’re hurt too many times as children without repair, it’s easy to settle for relationship crumbs as adults. The deprivation then becomes an armor which allows us to hide in being strong for others, while we privately suffer the pain of intimacy being unsafe.
 
Sometimes we’re so afraid of loss, that we can’t ask for what we need. In healing, we grieve the loss of nurturing and release our need to be invisible.
 
In this moment, I will remember that I deserve to be seen and heard. Today, I will give myself permission to ask for what I want.
 

20 Ways to manifest more love with the ‘Living in Love’ Program.

June Allen

To love and be loved is a basic human need. If your childhood experience of love was disrupted by separation, abuse and internalised racism, it will be difficult to give or receive love as an adult. The most important thing to remember as you learn to love is 1. Healing it takes time 2. Love is a verb so you need tools 3. You are not alone and 4. You can’t heal alone! In this live stream, June shares 20 ways to manifest more love with the support of her ‘Living in Love’ online monthly program.

 

Happy Kwanzaa Unity!

June Allen

Peace and blessing family, Happy Kwanzaa!

Kwanzaa is a global, week-long celebration which honours 7 cultural values. Kwanzaa means first fruits of the harvest in Swahili. This takes  place from 26th December to 1st January. We celebrate one principle each day using Swahili words and end with a huge feast and gift-giving.

Today is Day 1 which is all about unity (Umoja): To strive for and maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.

Unity is defined by how well we work together with others. It’s the opposite of being divided, to embrace togetherness. Under the system of racism, unity is often difficult because we internalise so much negativity about our blackness. In order for unity to thrive, we need to keep asking ‘where can I grow?’ and, ‘how can I serve?’

Just for today, remember that unity in the community begins with personal responsibility.  If you’re feeling stuck around your growth and want to nurture the unity within yourself, click below to download the Kwanzaa offers to reconnect to your growth process.

www.kwanzaa.juneallen.net

10 Family Boundaries for Christmas Calm

June Allen

Only a few days left now before Christmas and if your anxiety is rising from thoughts about spending time with dysfunctional family. This simple checklist will help you make some compassionate choices about how you will spend your time. The first 5 questions are specific around your internal boundaries, getting honest about what feels OK for you. When you are clear about this internally, it will be easier to be clear about what will work in your family relationships. Use your journal to help you process, get clear and brainstorm ideas.  

  1. How do you want to feel?
  2. What happened last year that felt safe? What are this years triggers and what are your limits?
  3. Be realistic about your families limitations, where are you still fantasising or in denial about their behavior?    
  4. What network support do you have in place to make calls, go to recovery meetings etc?
  5. Where can you maintain or increase your self care rituals?

 These 5 are tools to manage your external relationship/family boundaries. 

  1. Organise your calendar so you have a structure in place. 
  2. Plan own transport so you are not reliant on anyone else if things get tough.
  3. Organise events with people who feel safe. Meet up with your ‘family of choice.’
  4. Limit time with crazy folk and give yourself permission to leave in you need to.
  5. Remember that presence is more important than the presents so share lots of gratitude to those who have been there for you.

If you would like a private space to share and receive more tools, you can schedule a call at www.callme.juneallen.net

3 Core Holidays Triggers To Manage with Love.

June Allen

Today, I wanna talk about 3 core triggers to watch out for during the festive season and how to manage them with self love.

  1. Manic Energy: With all the shopping, planning, child school invites and all round pressure to always be filled with goodwill for the season, this can quickly lead to anxiety and stress. Use mindfulness to pause and listen to your body. What pressure are you giving yourself?   Be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to take some stuff off your plate.  
  2.  Shame: Most of the marketing we see around this time of the year is all about the joy of having a white Christmas. Apart from all the snow, this also includes white Santa, white happy families, white money being spent on expensive gifts for happy white lovers, wives and children. Without realising, this invisibility can generate feelings of shame and unworthiness around not living up to white holiday ‘aspirations.’  Shame cannot live in silence so look for cultural events like Kwanzaa to celebrate and connect with local community.
  3. Isolation: If you struggle with challenging loved ones, this time of year can be stressful. There may be extra pressure to attend family gatherings which trigger depression and wanting to isolate. If you identify, it’s important to remember that we cannot change others but we can chose how we respond. It’s OK to put your well-being at the top of the list. Use safe spaces like a therapist, support group and/or mentor  to share these challenges.

If you are struggling with any of the above and need additional support, you can schdeule a call with me at www.callme.juneallen.net