It Takes a Village?

#juneslovenotes
Last Sunday was my second guest appearance on Goddesses of the Round Table with 6 other black women.
The topic was The Mother Wound which brought up some difficult, but powerful conversations.
One of the sistas talked about the concept of healing through the African proverb, ‘it takes a village to raise a child.’ Whilst I love the idea of this in principle, it always makes me sad because the reality is that our village is deeply wounded.
A lot of elders in our community were (and still are) very abusive, and remain stuck in denial about their need to do the healing work or make any sort of amends to those they hurt. This means that what was once a valuable part of the village, has become unsafe and the consequences are clear in the faces of unhappy children now walking around in adult bodies.
When we’re denied the love and protection we deserve as children, it takes a lot to reach out for help as an adult. If we’re willing to trust the process, a rework of the original quote can give us hope as we build a family of choice. So instead of saying, ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ we can move to,  ‘It takes a healing village to raise an adult child.’ This empowers us while we heal to be more discerning about trusting those who have earned our trust.
Today, I will remember that I have the right to choose peace and blood is not thicker than safety.

Don’t throw people away?

#juneslovenotes
Many of us experience pain in our families where denial has been the super glue bonding the dysfunction.
When you make the decision to do the inner work, enabling sick family patterns is no longer an option. Your shedding the mask that kept you ‘safe’ in honor of discovering your new, true authentic self. As we step into our truth, what do we do with those who choose to stay in the dysfunction and don’t support your growth? I’ve learned that we don’t have to throw them away, we can create a spiritual compost.
With a physical compost heap, you recycle kitchen and garden waste into rich organic matter to nourish your plants. In this instance, we hand the challenging people and their behaviors over to our Higher Power (as you understand it) and take the lessons from our experience of them to nurture our growth.
I have a wooden box on my alter where I write the names of people causing me pain, have always caused me pain and have no intention of doing this work. Sometimes, I have to hand them over through gritted teeth but there’s always a lesson, a gem, an incite we can take from that relationship. Maybe its setting new boundaries, learning to say no or redefining your values and needs? When we stay focused on doing our inner work, we transform our rubbish from the past into wisdom to nourish our future.
Affirmation: Today, I will remember that I am not responsible for fixing others. I will honor all that I am and take this wonderful opportunity to celebrate my truth and growth.

The Importance of Sistahood.

Last Sunday I was honored to be part of a new venture called Goddesses of the Round Table. This space was held by 7 light workers, healers and therapists to talk about current issues impacting our community. In the session we talk about the importance of sistahood and related topics around the mother wound, shame, learning to stand in your power and so much more. Check out this first episode and join us for the fortnightly show on Sunday evenings.

 

It’s My 10th Sobriety Birthday!10 Things I’ve Learned.

 

Greetings, the 2nd June is my 10 year sobriety birthday and I’m so grateful! It’s been a rollercoster of pain, incite, lessons, healing and growth and I wouldn’t change any of it! It’s made me proud of who I am today!

I this session, I’m sharing 10 lessons I’ve learned.

  1. Racism is an addiction to power. 
  2. White people are never going to rescue you.  
  3. You learn to trust by trusting.
  4. Compassion trumps positivity. 
  5. Sobriety requires softness. 
  6. You can’t heal alone.  
  7. Black only spaces are everything! 
  8. Educate yourself about black psychology. 
  9. Not all black folk want to heal but shaming them doesn’t work either.  
  10. Every baby step counts.

If you think you might be addicted or are in recovery looking for more information about racial sobriety, details can be found at www.theblacksteps.com

TOOLS FOR BETTER LOCK DOWN SLEEP.

Hey family, I hope you are well and keeping safe. I don’t know about you but my sleep has been all over the place since this pandemic started so in this live stream I share the tools I use to improve my zzzzzzeddds.

  1. Bedroom: Is it messy? Do you take work in there? Make sure your bedroom has the calm vibes for sleep.
  2. Deconstruct: Release the stress of the day with journalling or sharing with someone you trust.
  3. Meditation: Check out binaural beats Youtube which are great for reducing your anxious brain. I don’t know the science behind it, but it works!
  4. Movement: If anxiety is keeping you up, remember that its also energy trapped in the body so stretching, yoga, dancing, any sort of movement is great for releasing body tension. I love doing yoga sessions with an amazing black women called Faith Hunter on YouTube @spirituallyfly
  5. Essential Oil: Lavender oil is my primary go to for relaxation. Put a few drops on your pillow, mix with olive oil to rub on your body or drop into a warm bath. Mmmmmmm.

 

YOG52: Life’s To Short?

‘Life’s to short,’ is a phrase we hear often when sickness and/or bereavement draws  close. We question our mortality and reflect on the regrets and  reconciliations we want to clean up in order to live our best selves with whatever time we have left. In this session June reflects on 3 layers to consider before you take any action around life being to short.

YOG51: Keep it Simple.

‘Keep it simple,’ is one of the classic slogans used in 12 step recovery when things get tough. In this podcast episode, June shares some tools to help you keep things super simple in the midst of overwhelm, frustration and limited time.

YOG50: Recovery Step 1 with Rineya from My Black Experience. BONUS PODCAST!

I could not let January slip by without sharing some step one racial sobriety recovery in the first month of this year. The adapted step 1 from AA translates to us as, ‘We admitted we were powerless over the impact of racism (white supremacy), that our lives had become unmanageable.’  To break this down, I am thrilled to be sharing the space with my sista in recovery Rineya who agreed to join me to share her experience strength and hope on this first step as a black women healing from addiction. We explore the pain and powerlessness of living under the system of white supremacy, her rock bottom moment, tokenism, racism in the rooms, and the power of black spaces which bring hope in taking this first step. You don’t want to miss this! You can connect with Rineya at www.myblackexperience.co.uk  or follow her on instagram @Rineya_Umran_ka