There’s been many times on this journey when pain has driven me into hiding.
I couldn’t bare to be seen.
In hiding from others, I could also hide from myself.
Under the system of racism, I absorbed the don’t talk, don’t feel, don’t trust rule so the shame and vulnerability fed the compulsion to abandon myself.
Sound familiar ?
If you relate, just know that you are not alone. In these moments, we must remember that we are the first generation from the plantation to do this work. After centuries of ongoing abuse, we are not only trying to process the pain in our lifetime, but the unexpressed pain passed down in our DNA.
In healing we learn that in order for things to change, we have to change the way we care for ourselves. Sometimes this means giving our confusion grace, unpacking painful feelings or raging at ‘God.’
In this moment I will remember that my tears matter and I don’t have to be in crisis to ask for help. Today, I will reach out to someone I trust and ask them to hold a space for me to weep.