Are you the workplace mammy?

Last week I saw a really cringy interview with Drew Barrymore and Vice President Kamala Harris (USA) where she was asking her to be the county’s ‘Mamula.’ It was clearly giving, ‘be the black mammy’ vibes and there were a lot of us on social media saying how tired they were of having this stereotype projected onto them at work. 

The Black Mammy stereotype is deeply rooted in chattel slavery where we were expected to be nurturing, self-sacrificing, and grateful for having the primary role of caring for their white enslavers. This stereotype continues to be used in the workplace to exploit, dehumanise, and subjugate Black women, recycling harmful stereotypes and reinforcing racist power dynamics. How does this play out at work? 

  1. Expectations of Caretaking: Black women are expected to take on caregiving roles, such as providing emotional support or managing conflicts, often without receiving proper recognition support or appropriate pay for the role.
  2. Devaluation of Skills and Expertise: Black women’s professional skills and expertise are devalued by emphasising their perceived natural inclination towards domestic and caretaking roles. Consequently, we face barriers to advancement and are often overlooked for leadership positions as a result.
  3. Emotional Labour and Burnout: The emotional labour heaped on Black women to cape for everyone else often results in burnout as we codependently deny our own emotions to keep the peace at work. 
  4. Difficulty Setting Boundaries: The Mammy stereotype portrays Black women as selfless and accommodating, making it challenging for us to set boundaries or advocate for our needs in the workplace. This inability to prioritise our wellness at work inevitably feeds a cycle of codependency, exhaustion and resentment.
  5. Enabling Racist Hierarchies: Black women may internalise this stereotype and believe racist messages that their identity and worth is dependent on their ability to meet these caregiving roles for others. Accepting these projections enables the system and keeps the power dynamics firmly in place. 

Challenging this stereotype is essential for dismantling the oppression systems ingrained in so many corporate organisations.  If you identify with these characteristics, recognise yourself as the workplace mammy or struggle with chronic people pleasing, join the email list to get exclusive access to a webinar on understanding and setting racial boundaries at work on 23 May 2024. 

How does slavery continue to destroy secure childhood attachment today?

Chattel slavery kept mothers and babies in bondage for centuries, so it’s important to explore how it still impacts our community today. Frederick Douglass was an iconic African American abolitionist, writer, speaker, and statesman. Born into slavery in Talbot County,  Maryland around 1818, he escaped in 1838 and became one of the leading voices in the fight against slavery and injustice. In his book, ‘Narrative of the life of Fredrick Douglass, An American Slave.’ he speaks on enslaved mothers.

‘My mother and I were separated when I was but an infant, before I knew her as my mother. It is a common custom in the part of Maryland to part children from their mothers at a very early age. Frequently before the child has reached its twelfth month, its mother is taken from it, and hired out on some farm a considerable distance off, and the child is placed under the care of an old woman, too old for field labor. For what this separation is done, I do not know, unless it be to hinder the development of the child’s affection toward its mother, and to blunt and destroy the natural affection of the mother for the child.’

Enslaved mothers were also forbidden to breastfeed their own children in order to wet nurse the enslavers children. This plantation pattern may contribute to the research which shows black women in the UK and the US breastfeed less than other groups today. These early broken attachments along with the constant threat of being abused, sold or killed during enslavement kept both parents and their children traumatised and therefore unable to form healthy attachments.

Without support, the attachment wounds will continue to play out intergenerationally until someone in the family steps up to do the inner work to end the cycle of attachment pain in their own relationships and parenting. Are you ready to do the deeper inner work?

Exploring your relationship with grind culture?

When overworking is a status symbol, many of us can get sucked into the vortex of compulsive productivity, perfectionism and self deprivation in an attempt to prove ourselves worthy as black people in the workplace. In today’s live I explore what exactly is grind culture, it’s internalised characteristics and the impact it has on our lives and in business. If you resonate with this content, the North Star Business School can help you understand these patterns and deal with them as you build your private practice. 

Suicide support in the black community.

This time of year can be a very vulnerable time for many with the expectations of the holidays and being around unsafe family members. Add the recent suicide of Steven ‘Twitch’ Boss in the US, the racist abuse toward Megan and Ngosi from the royals / Jeremy Clarkson and the cost of living crisis, it makes sense that there are a lot of strong emotions. 

There is a lot of stigma in our community about dealing with our mental health so I wanted to take the opportunity to have an honest conversation about this tender topic and how we can begin to embrace the suffering with more compassion and understanding instead of fear, guilt and shame.   

In this live, fellow therapist Yvonne Douglas and I explore the stigma of suicide in the black community, some statistics, why do black people feel suicidal, how to help a suicidal friend, how therapy can help and what to do if you can’t afford therapy.


More details about how to connect with Yvonne can be found at

The black and asian therapists network.

Black men’s wellness.

Recovery support

Sacred Sista Study Circle Selection #1: The Black Woman Millionaire.

In this session I share on one of the books selected for my next Sacred Sista Study Circle launching in October. The Black Woman Millionaire. By Dr Venus Opal Reese. Join me to explore an overview of how history is hurting your funds, what is financial therapy and how you can work with me in the study circle to embrace this powerful text. Click here to find out more details about the study circle.

Grieving our oppressors?

With Queen Elisabeth II now dead after her 70 year reign in the UK, how do you feel about her death and the role she played within an institution responsible for the murder and destruction of so many people around the globe? In this session I answer the question, ‘What does it actually mean to grieve our oppressors?’

YOG50: Recovery Step 1 with Rineya from My Black Experience. BONUS PODCAST!

I could not let January slip by without sharing some step one racial sobriety recovery in the first month of this year. The adapted step 1 from AA translates to us as, ‘We admitted we were powerless over the impact of racism (white supremacy), that our lives had become unmanageable.’  To break this down, I am thrilled to be sharing the space with my sista in recovery Rineya who agreed to join me to share her experience strength and hope on this first step as a black women healing from addiction. We explore the pain and powerlessness of living under the system of white supremacy, her rock bottom moment, tokenism, racism in the rooms, and the power of black spaces which bring hope in taking this first step. You don’t want to miss this! You can connect with Rineya at  or follow her on instagram @Rineya_Umran_ka

What is Racial Gaslighting?

I have been feeling really angry the last couple of days and after a mammoth yoga session and some reflection I now know why. With all the stuff I am seeing about #harryandmeghan and so many white people denying racism is part of it, I thought this would help those of you that are also tired.

Racial gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where white supremacists (consciously and unconsciously) seek to maintain power and control through manipulation and bullying of non-white people. This is acted out through sowing doubt around the definition, experience and impact of racism (white supremacy) with an individual or as a group, making it difficult for them to trust their instincts, feelings and core sense of self.

Examples include, pretending not to see or understand racism, refusing to listen to those impacted by racism,  minimizing our experience and the traumatic impact of racism. Verbal examples include:

‘It’s not that bad.’

‘Not everything is about race’

‘That happened along time ago’

‘There’s only one human race.’

 ‘You’re imagining things’

‘You’re to sensitive.’

‘ Why are you always so angry?’

‘ You have a chip on your shoulder’

This list goes on and on, I’m sure you have others. When your ability to trust yourself has been broken down, you are more likely to experience shame and put up with this type of abuse. Tools for wellness include setting verbal boundaries around what and who you choose to talk about racism with, then focus on taking care of yourself with these 3 principles of racial wellness.

1.Release. Racial stress can leave you feeling angry and frustrated so use physical activities on a daily basis to transform the trapped energy and emotion inside the body.

2.Reflect. Self-reflection is a crucial part of emotional literacy so schedule quiet time to observe and understand your feelings and reactions to the events. Use safe spaces in therapy, recovery and support groups to reduce isolation, shame and miseducation.

3.Renew. Use self-soothing behaviors and cultural nourishment to reset the balance and maintain your sense of self. No matter how small, these are powerful revolutionary acts inside a system that feeds your self hate.

You deserve peace so take the time to make these rituals part of your daily practice.

How to Heal With Black Women When You Were Bullied By Them.

Many of us understand that black self hate and colorism is a huge issue in our community, but many do not understand it’s complexity and how it manifests inside our relationships. In today’s session, I answer a question from a biracial sista who wants to heal with black women, is doing the work, but finds it very triggering because she was bullied by black women. In this podcast I share:

The origins of colorism and sista pain.

How this fear impacts your relationship with self, parenting and partners.

Racial mindfulness.

How to chose a healing space.

What to do if you feel triggered inside a healing space.

My own journey of learning to love my Sista’s.

Click below to listen.

Book mentioned in this episode.

To attend the book club go to

Are You Emancipated and Independent?

The 1st of August was Emancipation Day and today is the day Jamaica became Independent. Both days mark the so called ‘freedom’ of our ancestors from colonial bondage. As these dates declare our freedom on paper, many of us remain in psychological bondage because we still carry the wounds that were not healed during slavery.
Whilst white supremacy continues to refine itself to maintain power, you also have more opportunities to chose how you respond. Emancipation no longer remains in the hands of those committed to our destruction, but in the way we chose to honor ourselves and our communities.
Are you committed to your pain or your power? Are you willing to do the internal work your ancestors couldn’t?Today, with compassion, patience and courage, I will remember that I have the power to emancipate myself from mental slavery.
Click here for your free mini course, 7 Days of Revolutionary Black Self Love.