Sacred Sista Sanctuary

Are you the workplace mammy?

May 9, 2024May 23, 2024 June Allen

Last week I saw a really cringy interview with Drew Barrymore and Vice President Kamala Harris (USA) where she was asking her to be the county’s ‘Mamula.’ It was clearly giving, ‘be the black mammy’ vibes and there were a lot of us on social media saying how tired they were of having this stereotype projected onto them at work.

The Black Mammy stereotype is deeply rooted in chattel slavery where we were expected to be nurturing, self-sacrificing, and grateful for having the primary role of caring for their white enslavers. This stereotype continues to be used in the workplace to exploit, dehumanise, and subjugate Black women, recycling harmful stereotypes and reinforcing racist power dynamics. How does this play out at work?

Expectations of Caretaking: Black women are expected to take on caregiving roles, such as providing emotional support or managing conflicts, often without receiving proper recognition support or appropriate pay for the role.
Devaluation of Skills and Expertise: Black women’s professional skills and expertise are devalued by emphasising their perceived natural inclination towards domestic and caretaking roles. Consequently, we face barriers to advancement and are often overlooked for leadership positions as a result.
Emotional Labour and Burnout: The emotional labour heaped on Black women to cape for everyone else often results in burnout as we codependently deny our own emotions to keep the peace at work.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries: The Mammy stereotype portrays Black women as selfless and accommodating, making it challenging for us to set boundaries or advocate for our needs in the workplace. This inability to prioritise our wellness at work inevitably feeds a cycle of codependency, exhaustion and resentment.
Enabling Racist Hierarchies: Black women may internalise this stereotype and believe racist messages that their identity and worth is dependent on their ability to meet these caregiving roles for others. Accepting these projections enables the system and keeps the power dynamics firmly in place.

Challenging this stereotype is essential for dismantling the oppression systems ingrained in so many corporate organisations. If you identify with these characteristics, recognise yourself as the workplace mammy or struggle with chronic people pleasing, join the email list to get exclusive access to a webinar on understanding and setting racial boundaries at work on 23 May 2024.

How does slavery continue to destroy secure childhood attachment today?

May 1, 2024May 2, 2024 June Allen

Chattel slavery kept mothers and babies in bondage for centuries, so it’s important to explore how it still impacts our community today. Frederick Douglass was an iconic African American abolitionist, writer, speaker, and statesman. Born into slavery in Talbot County, Maryland around 1818, he escaped in 1838 and became one of the leading voices in the fight against slavery and injustice. In his book, ‘Narrative of the life of Fredrick Douglass, An American Slave.’ he speaks on enslaved mothers.

‘My mother and I were separated when I was but an infant, before I knew her as my mother. It is a common custom in the part of Maryland to part children from their mothers at a very early age. Frequently before the child has reached its twelfth month, its mother is taken from it, and hired out on some farm a considerable distance off, and the child is placed under the care of an old woman, too old for field labor. For what this separation is done, I do not know, unless it be to hinder the development of the child’s affection toward its mother, and to blunt and destroy the natural affection of the mother for the child.’

Enslaved mothers were also forbidden to breastfeed their own children in order to wet nurse the enslavers children. This plantation pattern may contribute to the research which shows black women in the UK and the US breastfeed less than other groups today. These early broken attachments along with the constant threat of being abused, sold or killed during enslavement kept both parents and their children traumatised and therefore unable to form healthy attachments.

Without support, the attachment wounds will continue to play out intergenerationally until someone in the family steps up to do the inner work to end the cycle of attachment pain in their own relationships and parenting. Are you ready to do the deeper inner work?

Changing patterns?

April 28, 2024April 22, 2024 Sacred Sista Assistant

The things that kept us soothed and safe as children in dysfunctional families can block us from what we need as adults. Journaling can help us identify any recurring patterns, beliefs, and behaviours that no longer serve us. Exploring these experiences compassionately can give us clarity on how the past continues to bleed into the present and reveal what healing support we need for the future.

This week’s heartwork: Reflect on the coping mechanisms you developed as a child to navigate difficult emotions, situations and/or family dynamics. Are there any patterns or behaviours from childhood that you still find yourself repeating as an adult?

If you found this heartwork valuable and would like to explore deeper healing, there are additional journal prompts available free in the Sista Sanctuary. Click here to join the sistahood today.

Recognizing Coping Mechanisms

April 21, 2024April 23, 2024 June Allen

This week’s heartwork: Reflect on the coping mechanisms you developed as a child to navigate difficult emotions or situations. Are there any patterns or behaviors from childhood that you still find yourself repeating as an adult?

Click here to join the Sacred Sista Sanctuary.

Shut Your Inner Critic Up!

April 14, 2024April 14, 2024 June Allen

Journaling is a powerful tool to unpack, explore and change the relationship with your inner critic which is often in our unconscious chattin’ sh*t. Understanding the intersections of racism, oppression and gender within your family of origin or wider society is an important starting point to explore how we internalise the negative messages at a young age to become our inner critic.

The goal is not to hate that part of yourself, but to build a relationship with it so it no longer dominates your thinking or sabotages your future choices.

This week’s heartwork: Tune into the voices of your inner critic. What messages do you hear from this critical voice, and where/who do you think they originated from in your childhood? Does your inner critic treat your inner child the way your parents treated you?

If you found this heartwork valuable and would like to explore deeper healing, there are additional journal prompts available for free in the Sista Sanctuary.

Click here to join the sistahood today.

If you’re hysterical, it’s historical! 5 Inner child wounds you need to heal.

April 10, 2024April 18, 2024 Sacred Sista Assistant

If you’re hysterical, it’s historical! I first heard this phrase in recovery and it helped me explore how my past was leaking into my present.

If you were hurt as a child without having a safe adult to support and soothe you, you may have buried these layers of pain to cope. If you struggle to love yourself or be in healthy relationships and friendships, it may be your buried childhood wounds being activated. The healing process means educating ourselves with not just what happened to us, but the impact it has on our adult lives so today, I want to share five types of inner child wounds.

1.Abandonment: When a child feels neglected, or unloved by caregivers, this leads to feelings of insecurity, rejection, and fear of abandonment in adulthood.

2.Betrayal: When a child’s trust is violated by caregivers or significant others through deception, dishonesty, or broken promises, this leads to adult, relational mistrust.

3.Humiliation: When a child is shamed, belittled, or ridiculed by caregivers or authority figures it sets up feelings of worthlessness and a fear of being judged or criticised as an adult.

4.Rejection: When a child is invalidated, dismissed, or not accepted by caregivers or peers, this feeds feelings of inadequacy, shame and fear of rejection.

5.Injustice: When a child experiences unfair treatment, injustice, or victimization by caregivers, peers, or societal systems, this can lead to self hatred, anger and a sense of powerlessness as an adult.

Racism, anti-blackness, patriarchy and other oppressive systems, are the abusive, toxic ‘social parents’ that add additional wounding to each of these layers. Healing involves acknowledging, decolonising and processing these early experiences to reframe the relationship with ourselves, others and our culture.

What does inner child work mean for black women?

If you’re ready to start doing your inner child work, click here to join the Sista Sanctuary where this month’s theme is Justice for Your Inner Child.

Is your past hurting the present?

April 7, 2024April 5, 2024 June Allen

This month’s conversation in the Sacred Sista Sanctuary is about justice for your inner child. Inner child work provides an opportunity to explore how the pain of your past is hurting you today and will continue to bleed into your future without support. Journaling allows us to express and release pent-up emotions and feelings related to our inner child’s experiences. By exploring our thoughts on paper, we can begin to unpack any harmful thought patterns and increase awareness of any emotions trapped in the body.

This week’s heartwork: Reflect on a life changing memory from your childhood that still holds emotional weight. What comes up for you around this memory, and how does it show up in your behavior as an adult?

If you found this heartwork valuable and would like to explore deeper healing, there are additional journal prompts available for free in the Sista Sanctuary. Click here to join the sistahood today.

Sistahood and your Heart.

December 3, 2023December 3, 2023 June Allen

With the next Sista Sanctuary session happening on Tuesday evening, I want to give you a sneak peep at some of the heartwork questions we’ll be exploring in this live session.

The theme is Unity in Sistahood and in todays live I explore 4 of the questions we’ll do a deeper dive in on Tuesday…

1. Am I giving enough attention to nurturing and maintaining the sista relationships that matter most to me?
2. How do relationships with my family of origin impact how I show up in friendships with other black women?
3. Do I find it hard to let other black women care for me? Why?
4. How do I envision my ideal inner circle and the role of sistahood in my life? What steps can I take to move closer to this vision.

Borrowed hope. 29/30 Live stream challenge.

July 10, 2023July 10, 2023 June Allen

One of the things that brought me back into alignment when I felt low and wanting to quit doing my healing work was borrowed hope. Join me in this live as I explain what it meant to me and how you can use this powerful tool to stay motivated and on track.