My Judi Love BBC London Chat : How to deal with regret.

One Friday, I’m minding my business and someone popped into my Instagram DM’s to ask if I was available to do an interview with Judi Love!!!! Yaaaassss Judi Love! I was already a huge fan of her work and her lockdown Quarentine date night had me in stiches on many a corona evening!

Anyway, so I’m super excited to be asked to be part of her conversation about how to deal with regret. Click here to listen.

The 5 Principles of Rest.

When we think of the topic of rest we automatically go to our sleep habits but rest is so much bigger than that. With rest at the focus in the Sacred Sista Sanctuary this month, today I share the 5 principles to get you started and keep you grounded in a solid rest practice.

One of our most basic human needs for wellness is rest. Healing happens when we practice these 5 principles of rest. 

AWARENESS: We check in daily with ourselves and listen to the language of our bodies. 

HONESTY: We give ourselves permission to tell the truth about our relationship with rest. 

DETACHMENT: We let go of the people, places and things that disrupt our need to rest. 

BOUNDARIES: We stay focused on setting and keeping our internal boundaries for rest. 

SPACE: We create, build and maintain a nurturing plan for rest, play and our relationships. 

Watch this live stream for a deeper dive.

How to start healing the black mother wound.

Last week, hearing about Lauren Hill’s daughter Selah talk about her mothers horrific abuse triggered feelings of anger and sadness. What made this situation more painful was Lauren’s response with justification, deflection and self centering. As a survivor, I was also feeling a lot of gratitude for all the pain I’d worked through to break this generational cycle with my own daughter.

This issue obviously triggered a lot heated discussions on social media so I did this live stream sharing how to being healing this deep core wound.

Forgive Yourself.

When we’ve been hurt by those who were supposed to take care of us, we internalise the hurt as a reflection of our unworthiness. We tell ourselves we’re unlovable because the other person chose to behave in an unacceptable way. Over time, many of us become so caught up in the wounds of what was done to us, that we’re blind to what we continue to do to ourselves.

In this moment, I will remember that forgiveness of others must begin with forgiving ourselves. Forgiveness for not knowing how to show up, to set boundaries or speak our truth. Today, I will forgive myself as many times as I need to
be forgiven. When I know better, I grow deeper.

The Law of Worthiness.

The law of worthiness means that we can be empowered when we stop craving the dysfunctional approval of whiteness. We don’t have to sell out our divine joy and melanin magic in order to feel safe.

The healing process gives us permission to let go of the lies we believe about ourselves as we think, feel, act and trust who we are becoming.

Just for today, I will nurture my worthiness by speaking fyah into my now.

I am divine.

I am worthy of the support I need.

I am worthy of love now.

I honor and value my blackness.

I am worth the effort.

I am worthy of incredible blessings.

And so it is.

(c) June Allen

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Self Hate Healing Hack!

After years of not liking ourselves it can often be hard to set boundaries as part of our new commitment to self love.

One of the things that gives me so much joy is seeing how the Sacred Sistas in the mastermind have grown from using the community to practice and share what I call ’emotional book ending.’

It’s a really powerful way to set the boundary and get support to deal with any difficult feelings or backlash from the process. Click below to watch the video and get the tea on how it works!

Re-framing Self Doubt.


Self doubt came up in the mastermind last week which can be debilitating if allowed to fester and sabotage our efforts. This is something that creeps up on me from time to time, especially when I’m trying new things so today, I want to share some reflections around how to reframe it.

Under the system of racism, many of us absorb an ocean of painful lies about what we deserve. We unconsciously believe that suffering is mandatory and joy is a luxury. Whiteness is the benchmark for happiness as wounded parents were unable to show us otherwise.

When melanin miracles appear, our inner critic pipes up to remind us that black folks can’t win. Our inner white terrorist is committed to silencing our ‘uppity negro.’

Doing the inner work helps us realise that self doubt is also our former, frightened self trying to keep us safe. Safe from being hurt, abandoned or shamed. In naming this voice, we understand a little more about ourselves, release its charge and reclaim our power.

What lies do you believe about yourself and how is it blocking your greatness sis?

In this moment, I will remember that self doubt is often the external voice of those who benefit from keeping me small. Today, I will use this opportunity to practice courage and show up for myself.

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‘Booty Call’ Healing.


Last week I wrote a post about empowering business owners to rethink their ‘booty call’ marketing. They show up when they want to sell something and expect their audience to ‘put out’ on demand.

So many people identified with this lack of building any relationship but it also got me thinking about the same dynamic when it comes to the healing process. When we hurt, we want the tools now and the healing to happen immediately to ease our pain.

Truth is, if we jumped straight from pain to happiness in 5 minutes, many of us would sabotage it. We’ve be on the struggle bus for so long that the shock of being happy so quick would also bring the fear of having it robbed from us as quickly as we got it.

As painful as this is to hear, healing is a life time commitment that requires patience. We can’t change the impact of intergenerational and ongoing trauma under the system of racism with one workshop, therapy session or self help book.

But don’t be discouraged dear, sweet sista,

What we can do is just commit to the adventure of finding our sacred selves with ALL its moods and magic. As we take on the work with conviction, each tender moment of truth deepens our compassion and elevates our consciousness beyond the stars.

In this moment, I will remember that whilst ‘booty call’ healing may give relief in the now, building a solid legacy of emotional wealth is the biggest gift I can give myself, those I love, and those yet to come.

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Responding V Reacting.


One of the most powerful signs that we’re on the road to wholeness is our ability to respond verses react. Reactions happen as unconscious knee jerk defenses which often rebound in our community through the shaming, ‘stop being so emotional’ conversation.

In recovery we use the term, ‘if you’re hysterical, it’s historical,’ this means that the person reacting often has a history of not being heard and the person making the negative statement is either disconnected from understanding the emotional displacement or cut off from their own empathy.

On the plantation, our ancestors could loose their lives for expressing emotion and this has unconsciously been passed down to us. Emotions have now become unsafe and weaponised to keep us silent.

The healing process allows us to release and process our unheard experiences from the past so our emotions in the present, are present.

In this moment, I will be honest about the wounds from my past that are still bleeding inside my now. Today, I will ask for help to heal these wounds and free my future.

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