😵 Family Scripts.

Many of us are compulsively hiding from our greatness because of the unconscious scripts we internalise from our dysfunctional families. Some of mine include:

I’m not allowed to be more financially prosperous.

I’m not allowed to be emotionally healthier.

Having my own needs is selfish.

And suffering is compulsory.

Until I became conscious of these scripts, there was always fear humming in the background that I would be shamed for wanting a different life and rejected after the, ‘who do you think you are?’ conversation.

Do you relate?

In healing, we learn that whilst our parents were the portals for us to be here, they do not own the rights to our future. If your currently drifting and life feels stuck, maybe its time to explore what family contracts are unconsciously sabotaging your greatness?

Today, I will remember that I have a right to live abundantly. In this moment, I will release the family scripts that keep me in bondage and begin to write my own without apology.

😢 Your Tears Matter.

There’s been many times on this journey when pain has driven me into hiding.

I couldn’t bare to be seen.

In hiding from others, I could also hide from myself.

Under the system of racism, I absorbed the don’t talk, don’t feel, don’t trust rule so the shame and vulnerability fed the compulsion to abandon myself.

Sound familiar ?

If you relate, just know that you are not alone. In these moments, we must remember that we are the first generation from the plantation to do this work. After centuries of ongoing abuse, we are not only trying to process the pain in our lifetime, but the unexpressed pain passed down in our DNA.

In healing we learn that in order for things to change, we have to change the way we care for ourselves. Sometimes this means giving our confusion grace, unpacking painful feelings or raging at ‘God.’

In this moment I will remember that my tears matter and I don’t have to be in crisis to ask for help. Today, I will reach out to someone I trust and ask them to hold a space for me to weep.

😁 Tiktok Play!

Graduation Greatness!

A couple of weeks ago I was  bursting with pride after hearing the graduation stories from my mastermind mentees. Since January, we’ve worked through my Self Love Essentials Course which empowers them to unpack their pain and build a nurturing relationship with themselves and each other.

During the session we recapped each class before sharing the wins, challenges and lessons. Titles from the course included:
How to set heart centered racial wellness goals.

How to review your wellness goals.

How to create a wellness vision board.

How to create a daily wellness practice.

Understanding your emotions.

The black women right to rage.

How to respond to anger from others.

The psychology of racism.

The Melanin Theory with Dr. Francis Cress-Welsing.

My Black is Beautiful: The politics of Black femininity.

Ital Beauty workshop: Home made recipes for nourishing your black body.

These first few months of the year have been intense but so worth it to hear these phrases during the graduation, ‘I’m becoming accustomed to how powerful I am,’ to ‘I found my voice!’ and ‘I found some real friendships here.’

These sista’s have ignited their inner mothers and become warriors of self love through learning to be vulnerable when they felt safe and visible in spaces they never thought they could.

The previous pain of mistrust and betrayal by other black women in their lives has shifted because they chose to show up each week, trust themselves and do the work. I am humbled that they trust me with their process and this is why I absolutely love what I do.

There is no magic wellness formula.

I show up and do my own work personally and as a therapist so I can hold a compassionate, cultural space for black women to do theirs.

This work is not easy and sometimes it gets bloody but the magic that happens when black women embrace their growth and greatness is so God damn beautiful and I’m here for it!

Today, I will look back at how much I’ve grown and celebrate ALL of me. I am imperfectly perfect. I am powerful. I stand in my greatness.

For more details about the mastermind go to www.join.juneallen.net

Goddesses Gone Wild!

Last week was one of the goddess’s birthday (Yvonne far left) so we gathered at her home to catch up. What ensued was a wonderful evening of food, conversation, dancing and an abundance of silliness that left us with sore jaws.

What I learned from the evening is that sometimes you don’t know how much you miss something until you’re reminded of how you feel in the experience.

My friendship circle has changed a lot over the years as I’ve grown and I’m so grateful to be part of this group of women who make no apologies for taking up space in their respective worlds and empower those around them to do the same whenever life gets wobbly.

I share this to remind you of the importance of checking your sistahood circle. Are you able to share your challenges, joy and dreams with them without judgement or jealously? Can they hold a space for you during challenging times like you do for them?

Sometimes, we hold onto things longer than we should because we get comfortable or are afraid of letting change help us grow. If you’re the smartest sista in your circle, maybe its time to review what your values and needs are around friendship?

In this moment, I will reclaim my right to be nurtured by other black women and explore my friendship needs. Today, I will reach to the sista’s that love me and tell them how much I love them. 

Self love lane.

Sometimes, the stories we tell ourselves are fear based, recycled lies from dysfunction family members and internalised racist thinking. We feel unworthy of love and respect because our black bodies are so used to being the space for others to dump their shit.
In healing, we learn to separate what belongs to us and what we need to give back to others.
Today, I will remember that the dysfunction of others is not mine to fix. I will allow others to have their experience and stay in my self love lane.

Letting Go

It takes a lot more energy to hold on than it does to let go, but what does letting go actually mean? Sometimes folks repeat it like a switch you just turn off, but we both know it’s not that easy. What I’ve learned is that there are three things which help us release the things we find more difficult.

Intellectually, we can question what parts of the story belong to us and what belongs to others. Are we bringing issues into the present from the past and do we have unrealistic expectations and fantasies that cannot be fulfilled?

Physically, we can release the charge generated by the negative experience that often gets trapped in the body. Movement in all its forms will release the energy and transform its power.

Emotionally, we can let go by honoring our feelings around the event and tell the truth about it’s impact on our wellbeing. If we can speak this truth to someone safe who will hear you without judgement, the empathy clears a path for solutions to release you from its bondage.

In this moment, I will forgive myself for holding onto suffering. Today, I will give myself permission to let go of the people, places and things that hold me back from standing in my greatness.

Body Shame Clap backs 👀

Every time I get dressed, my inner critic laughs at my lockdown love handles, shaming me about what others would say if they saw me naked.

When she pipes up, I say STFU and feel gratitude for the extra curves that kept me alive through this pandemic the racial stress and sadness of loosing my dad.

With lockdown now eased in the UK, some of you have told me that you’re anxious about seeing family over Christmas because they won’t stop opening their toxic mouths about your body.
‘You”ve put on weight.’

“You’re too skinny.’

‘What happened to your hair?’

‘What have you got on?’

Blah blah blah yada yada yada

Sometimes family think they have the right to say mean things just because you’re related. Folks got so much shit to say about you, but can’t get their own crazy lives together.

Repeat after me.

This season, I will stop giving my previous energy to anyone I would not go to for advice. If folks take it upon themselves to verbally assault my body, I will remember that I am a queen and will clap back that my body is my business.

👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾

My body is my business.

My body is my business.

My body is my business.

(If you’re feeling brave, keep this one in your back pocket.)

👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾

Your toxic mouth is not welcome!

Your toxic mouth is not welcome!

Your toxic mouth is not welcome!

You are not alone

Early December is often filled with the busyness of Christmas. Spending money, expectations and gatherings build an emotional crescendo before falling into the stillness at the end of the month with endless TV, left overs and reflections of the year with those we love.

Sometimes, this season is a painful reminder of those we’ve lost and sometimes, that loss includes ourselves.

Whatever comes up, just know that you’re not alone. If things get tough, use these tools to ride out the season and maintain your wellness.

  • Use daily sacred sista time to explore and honour your feelings.
  • Focus on the nurturing relationships and spend less time with the ones that aren’t.
  • Presence is more important than the presents.
  • Get out in nature, #treesareareasuperpower

Affirmation: This season, I will accept each day as it comes and stay open to receiving the love and support I deserve.

Expansion

When we’re raised in environments that don’t allow us the space to grow, we unconsciously adapt our behaviour to suit the external demands. This can also happen in healing where tools which worked for us at one time are now blocking our expansion.

Greatness requires us to not get complacent about our journey, no matter how long we’ve been on the road. Our evolution requires an ongoing shedding, unlearning and buffing.

Today, I will remember that there are still glorious, deeper depths of greatness for me to discover. In this moment, I will open my heart with willingness to embrace the next adventure.

(c) June Allen