Goddesses Gone Wild!

Last week was one of the goddess’s birthday (Yvonne far left) so we gathered at her home to catch up. What ensued was a wonderful evening of food, conversation, dancing and an abundance of silliness that left us with sore jaws.

What I learned from the evening is that sometimes you don’t know how much you miss something until you’re reminded of how you feel in the experience.

My friendship circle has changed a lot over the years as I’ve grown and I’m so grateful to be part of this group of women who make no apologies for taking up space in their respective worlds and empower those around them to do the same whenever life gets wobbly.

I share this to remind you of the importance of checking your sistahood circle. Are you able to share your challenges, joy and dreams with them without judgement or jealously? Can they hold a space for you during challenging times like you do for them?

Sometimes, we hold onto things longer than we should because we get comfortable or are afraid of letting change help us grow. If you’re the smartest sista in your circle, maybe its time to review what your values and needs are around friendship?

In this moment, I will reclaim my right to be nurtured by other black women and explore my friendship needs. Today, I will reach to the sista’s that love me and tell them how much I love them. 

Self love lane.

Sometimes, the stories we tell ourselves are fear based, recycled lies from dysfunction family members and internalised racist thinking. We feel unworthy of love and respect because our black bodies are so used to being the space for others to dump their shit.
In healing, we learn to separate what belongs to us and what we need to give back to others.
Today, I will remember that the dysfunction of others is not mine to fix. I will allow others to have their experience and stay in my self love lane.

Letting Go

It takes a lot more energy to hold on than it does to let go, but what does letting go actually mean? Sometimes folks repeat it like a switch you just turn off, but we both know it’s not that easy. What I’ve learned is that there are three things which help us release the things we find more difficult.

Intellectually, we can question what parts of the story belong to us and what belongs to others. Are we bringing issues into the present from the past and do we have unrealistic expectations and fantasies that cannot be fulfilled?

Physically, we can release the charge generated by the negative experience that often gets trapped in the body. Movement in all its forms will release the energy and transform its power.

Emotionally, we can let go by honoring our feelings around the event and tell the truth about it’s impact on our wellbeing. If we can speak this truth to someone safe who will hear you without judgement, the empathy clears a path for solutions to release you from its bondage.

In this moment, I will forgive myself for holding onto suffering. Today, I will give myself permission to let go of the people, places and things that hold me back from standing in my greatness.

Body Shame Clap backs 👀

Every time I get dressed, my inner critic laughs at my lockdown love handles, shaming me about what others would say if they saw me naked.

When she pipes up, I say STFU and feel gratitude for the extra curves that kept me alive through this pandemic the racial stress and sadness of loosing my dad.

With lockdown now eased in the UK, some of you have told me that you’re anxious about seeing family over Christmas because they won’t stop opening their toxic mouths about your body.
‘You”ve put on weight.’

“You’re too skinny.’

‘What happened to your hair?’

‘What have you got on?’

Blah blah blah yada yada yada

Sometimes family think they have the right to say mean things just because you’re related. Folks got so much shit to say about you, but can’t get their own crazy lives together.

Repeat after me.

This season, I will stop giving my previous energy to anyone I would not go to for advice. If folks take it upon themselves to verbally assault my body, I will remember that I am a queen and will clap back that my body is my business.

👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾

My body is my business.

My body is my business.

My body is my business.

(If you’re feeling brave, keep this one in your back pocket.)

👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾

Your toxic mouth is not welcome!

Your toxic mouth is not welcome!

Your toxic mouth is not welcome!

You are not alone

Early December is often filled with the busyness of Christmas. Spending money, expectations and gatherings build an emotional crescendo before falling into the stillness at the end of the month with endless TV, left overs and reflections of the year with those we love.

Sometimes, this season is a painful reminder of those we’ve lost and sometimes, that loss includes ourselves.

Whatever comes up, just know that you’re not alone. If things get tough, use these tools to ride out the season and maintain your wellness.

  • Use daily sacred sista time to explore and honour your feelings.
  • Focus on the nurturing relationships and spend less time with the ones that aren’t.
  • Presence is more important than the presents.
  • Get out in nature, #treesareareasuperpower

Affirmation: This season, I will accept each day as it comes and stay open to receiving the love and support I deserve.

Expansion

When we’re raised in environments that don’t allow us the space to grow, we unconsciously adapt our behaviour to suit the external demands. This can also happen in healing where tools which worked for us at one time are now blocking our expansion.

Greatness requires us to not get complacent about our journey, no matter how long we’ve been on the road. Our evolution requires an ongoing shedding, unlearning and buffing.

Today, I will remember that there are still glorious, deeper depths of greatness for me to discover. In this moment, I will open my heart with willingness to embrace the next adventure.

(c) June Allen

Relationship Crumbs?

When pain is a standard part of growing up, it makes sense why so many of us adapted by being need less and want less. Our care givers may say they loved us, yet failed time and time again to consider our needs.
 
Under the system of racism, there’s no room for emotional nourishment. It’s commitment to dehumanisation strips us of the ability to relate and care for each other beyond survival.
 
If we’re hurt too many times as children without repair, it’s easy to settle for relationship crumbs as adults. The deprivation then becomes an armor which allows us to hide in being strong for others, while we privately suffer the pain of intimacy being unsafe.
 
Sometimes we’re so afraid of loss, that we can’t ask for what we need. In healing, we grieve the loss of nurturing and release our need to be invisible.
 
In this moment, I will remember that I deserve to be seen and heard. Today, I will give myself permission to ask for what I want.
 

Forgive Yourself.

When we’ve been hurt by those who were supposed to take care of us, we internalise the hurt as a reflection of our unworthiness. We tell ourselves we’re unlovable because the other person chose to behave in an unacceptable way. Over time, many of us become so caught up in the wounds of what was done to us, that we’re blind to what we continue to do to ourselves.

In this moment, I will remember that forgiveness of others must begin with forgiving ourselves. Forgiveness for not knowing how to show up, to set boundaries or speak our truth. Today, I will forgive myself as many times as I need to
be forgiven. When I know better, I grow deeper.

The Law of Worthiness.

The law of worthiness means that we can be empowered when we stop craving the dysfunctional approval of whiteness. We don’t have to sell out our divine joy and melanin magic in order to feel safe.

The healing process gives us permission to let go of the lies we believe about ourselves as we think, feel, act and trust who we are becoming.

Just for today, I will nurture my worthiness by speaking fyah into my now.

I am divine.

I am worthy of the support I need.

I am worthy of love now.

I honor and value my blackness.

I am worth the effort.

I am worthy of incredible blessings.

And so it is.

(c) June Allen

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Re-framing Self Doubt.

#juneslovenotes

Self doubt came up in the mastermind last week which can be debilitating if allowed to fester and sabotage our efforts. This is something that creeps up on me from time to time, especially when I’m trying new things so today, I want to share some reflections around how to reframe it.

Under the system of racism, many of us absorb an ocean of painful lies about what we deserve. We unconsciously believe that suffering is mandatory and joy is a luxury. Whiteness is the benchmark for happiness as wounded parents were unable to show us otherwise.

When melanin miracles appear, our inner critic pipes up to remind us that black folks can’t win. Our inner white terrorist is committed to silencing our ‘uppity negro.’

Doing the inner work helps us realise that self doubt is also our former, frightened self trying to keep us safe. Safe from being hurt, abandoned or shamed. In naming this voice, we understand a little more about ourselves, release its charge and reclaim our power.

What lies do you believe about yourself and how is it blocking your greatness sis?

In this moment, I will remember that self doubt is often the external voice of those who benefit from keeping me small. Today, I will use this opportunity to practice courage and show up for myself.

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