Despite all the stuff I share about taking care of yourself, I am human which means that sometimes there are days when I just feel like sh*t. With parenting, college essays and dealing with menopausal hormonal insomnia, things sometimes feel really hard. It’s during these times when I lean on my powerful sacred sista squad to put me straight. In this weeks live I share about the amazing black women in my life that nurture, advise, support and keep me accountable.
After quite an emotional week last week I felt so grateful for my support network who were able to hold me through the melt down. With so many of the women I work with feeling grateful for the space I hold for them to be vulnerable, I want to share my take on what is emotional safety and what it means for black women in their respective support spaces.
- Can they hear you?
- Can they see you?
- Can they feel you?
- Can they hold you?
- Can they walk with you?
Intrigued? Watch for a deeper exploration.
Today, I wanna talk about 3 core triggers to watch out for during the festive season and how to manage them with self love.
- Manic Energy: With all the shopping, planning, child school invites and all round pressure to always be filled with goodwill for the season, this can quickly lead to anxiety and stress. Use mindfulness to pause and listen to your body. What pressure are you giving yourself? Be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to take some stuff off your plate.
- Shame: Most of the marketing we see around this time of the year is all about the joy of having a white Christmas. Apart from all the snow, this also includes white Santa, white happy families, white money being spent on expensive gifts for happy white lovers, wives and children. Without realising, this invisibility can generate feelings of shame and unworthiness around not living up to white holiday ‘aspirations.’ Shame cannot live in silence so look for cultural events like Kwanzaa to celebrate and connect with local community.
- Isolation: If you struggle with challenging loved ones, this time of year can be stressful. There may be extra pressure to attend family gatherings which trigger depression and wanting to isolate. If you identify, it’s important to remember that we cannot change others but we can chose how we respond. It’s OK to put your well-being at the top of the list. Use safe spaces like a therapist, support group and/or mentor to share these challenges.
If you are struggling with any of the above and need additional support, you can schdeule a call with me at www.callme.juneallen.net
Many of us understand that black self hate and colorism is a huge issue in our community, but many do not understand it’s complexity and how it manifests inside our relationships. In today’s session, I answer a question from a biracial sista who wants to heal with black women, is doing the work, but finds it very triggering because she was bullied by black women. In this podcast I share:
The origins of colorism and sista pain.
How this fear impacts your relationship with self, parenting and partners.
How to chose a healing space.
What to do if you feel triggered inside a healing space.
My own journey of learning to love my Sista’s.
Click below to listen.
Book mentioned in this episode.
To attend the book club go to www.sistacircle.juneallen.net
This weekend (8th December) will be the 3rd Sacred Sista Circle Book Club where we study, ‘Sista’s of The Yam: Black Women and Self Recovery.’ By Bell Hooks.
I have to say that I’ve had several emotional moments being in the space where sista’s felt safe enough to begin sharing their truth and finding themselves. I feel so grateful to be trusted, not with telling them what to do, but in showing them where to look. Where to find their divinity often buried beneath the rubble of unheard black pain. It takes courage to keep showing up and keep taking these emotional risks, but we do it to change our painful pasts, to draw a line under our recycled, generational shame.
It’s an exciting time to start doing this work because so many of us understand the importance of having these safe boundaried spaces for black women, to be heard and seen for who they are without apology. This space really is sacred because:
- Seeing someone who looks like you share there experience and being able to identify builds trust and nurtures hope. Melanin reflections matter.
- Talking about the internal solutions to our collective struggles helps us feel empowered to begin seeding the change in our lives.
- Boundaries play a core role in the space which allows your experience to be witnessed without judgement, shame or minimising. This opens up the space for more truth telling and connects us as a sistahood and community.
Thank you to the beautiful sista’s who continue to allow me to be part of their healing journey; and for those of you watching on the sidelines, we’re hear for you when you’re ready to join us.
For details of how you can join the Sista Circle Book Club in person and virtual, go to www.sistacircle.juneallen.net
So many sista’s suffer around this topic, the guilt around sharing their truth, the backlash from family members and the impact on our ability to parent. A few days ago, I got together with one of my favorite sista’s Faith Agugu to talk about it. Click below to watch the free web class.
Click www.events.juneallen.net for all the workshop details.
Greetings and thanks for taking the time to hang out with me.
Today, I’m chatting to Naomi Davidson who is a well-being consultant and she’s all about empowering Sista’s. She got in touch as a result of the series I did on wounded daughters to ask if I would be on the panel for her event ( 23 June 2018) which is specifically around to our UK experience.
We caught up earlier this week to chat about what to expect at the event, and next week we’re going to record a more detailed podcast about the results of her research. You can listen to our chat here.
Hope to see you Saturday!