I recently posted some content on social media from the black mother wound series about 5 types of toxic mothers which resonated with so many sistas. So today, I want to share a more expansive exploration about the topic to understand the abusive power dynamics that can exist within mother-daughter relationships. The more you understand, the more you’ll be able to articulate the impact on your well-being and what you need moving forward.
First, let’s talk about the narcissistic mother, whose self-absorption dominates everything. In her eyes, the daughter is not a separate individual but rather a competitor to be conquered. She uses shame like a weapon to control and manipulate, leaving her daughter feeling invisible and without any true sense of self.
Second is the overly enmeshed mother, whose smothering ‘love’ knows no boundaries. She disregards her daughter’s autonomy and demands that her own emotional needs be met at any cost, blurring the lines between where she ends and her daughter begins.
Third, we have the control freak mother, whose own life is chaotic and out of control. To regain a sense of power, she seeks to dominate every aspect of her daughter’s life, leaving her feeling suffocated, angry and powerless.
Fourth, these mothers are trapped in their own pain, addicted and unable to fulfill their maternal roles. As a result, wounded daughters often find themselves in a role reversal, caring for their mothers and neglecting their own needs in the process.
Finally, the fifth toxic mother type are those who neglect, betray and/or inflict physical violence on their daughters and fail to protect them from external abuse.
Does any of this resonate with you?
Understanding these dynamics is not easy, nor is it something you need to navigate alone. None of this is your fault. You deserve to be loved, respected, and cherished for who you are.
If you relate and feel ready to join me for the deeper work, there are still some tickets for the Managing Mothers Day half day, in-person retreat where we’ll explore the black mother wound and how to deal with the complexities of Mothers Day as a wounded daughter.
There are also some 121 slots available if you would like private therapy. Full details can be found here.