As human beings, it’s inevitable that we will sometimes make mistakes and sometimes, we will have regrets about the choices we’ve made. Instead of carrying the weight of regret or beating ourselves up, in today’s live stream I share and expand on the following tools you can use to stop shaming yourself and move forward with compassion and wisdom.
- Acknowledge your feelings. Is there shame, guilt or anger towards yourself about what you did? How is this continuing to hurt you? Be truthful to yourself first about exactly what you regret.
- Reflect on the experience: what happened during the event itself, but also explore a wider view of what was happening for you that led up the experiencer? Is your behaviour a pattern that was being repeated long before the incident? Why? Where did you learn this and what need is getting met by doing it? What could you have done differently?
- Practice self-compassion: Sometimes we get so trapped in the feelings that we find it hard to give ourselves any grace for just being human. Give yourself space to pause, breathe and show kindness to yourself.
- Focus on the present: Focusing on the past in regret can be a recipe for suffering so explore what you learned from the experience and what would you do differently today?
- Make amends if appropriate: If your behaviour really hurt someone else then consider an apology. Not just to make yourself feel better but as a commitment to your integrity. If you choose to apologise, empathise with the damage caused and how you can show up in the relationship going forward. Remember that often we forget that we sometimes need to make amends to ourselves so that means making a promise to make the necessary choices going forward that will nurture our growth, even when we make mistakes.
Remember, regret is part of being human but as you grow you’ll spend less time in guilt and shame and more focus on the lessons, repair and how to move forward in a healthy way.