My Judi Love BBC London Chat : How to deal with regret.

One Friday, I’m minding my business and someone popped into my Instagram DM’s to ask if I was available to do an interview with Judi Love!!!! Yaaaassss Judi Love! I was already a huge fan of her work and her lockdown Quarentine date night had me in stiches on many a corona evening!

Anyway, so I’m super excited to be asked to be part of her conversation about how to deal with regret. Click here to listen.

The 5 Principles of Rest.

When we think of the topic of rest we automatically go to our sleep habits but rest is so much bigger than that. With rest at the focus in the Sacred Sista Sanctuary this month, today I share the 5 principles to get you started and keep you grounded in a solid rest practice.

One of our most basic human needs for wellness is rest. Healing happens when we practice these 5 principles of rest. 

AWARENESS: We check in daily with ourselves and listen to the language of our bodies. 

HONESTY: We give ourselves permission to tell the truth about our relationship with rest. 

DETACHMENT: We let go of the people, places and things that disrupt our need to rest. 

BOUNDARIES: We stay focused on setting and keeping our internal boundaries for rest. 

SPACE: We create, build and maintain a nurturing plan for rest, play and our relationships. 

Watch this live stream for a deeper dive.

Re-framing Self Doubt.

#juneslovenotes

Self doubt came up in the mastermind last week which can be debilitating if allowed to fester and sabotage our efforts. This is something that creeps up on me from time to time, especially when I’m trying new things so today, I want to share some reflections around how to reframe it.

Under the system of racism, many of us absorb an ocean of painful lies about what we deserve. We unconsciously believe that suffering is mandatory and joy is a luxury. Whiteness is the benchmark for happiness as wounded parents were unable to show us otherwise.

When melanin miracles appear, our inner critic pipes up to remind us that black folks can’t win. Our inner white terrorist is committed to silencing our ‘uppity negro.’

Doing the inner work helps us realise that self doubt is also our former, frightened self trying to keep us safe. Safe from being hurt, abandoned or shamed. In naming this voice, we understand a little more about ourselves, release its charge and reclaim our power.

What lies do you believe about yourself and how is it blocking your greatness sis?

In this moment, I will remember that self doubt is often the external voice of those who benefit from keeping me small. Today, I will use this opportunity to practice courage and show up for myself.

Enjoy June’s love note?  Get them straight in your inbox with this link.

‘Booty Call’ Healing.

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Last week I wrote a post about empowering business owners to rethink their ‘booty call’ marketing. They show up when they want to sell something and expect their audience to ‘put out’ on demand.

So many people identified with this lack of building any relationship but it also got me thinking about the same dynamic when it comes to the healing process. When we hurt, we want the tools now and the healing to happen immediately to ease our pain.

Truth is, if we jumped straight from pain to happiness in 5 minutes, many of us would sabotage it. We’ve be on the struggle bus for so long that the shock of being happy so quick would also bring the fear of having it robbed from us as quickly as we got it.

As painful as this is to hear, healing is a life time commitment that requires patience. We can’t change the impact of intergenerational and ongoing trauma under the system of racism with one workshop, therapy session or self help book.

But don’t be discouraged dear, sweet sista,

What we can do is just commit to the adventure of finding our sacred selves with ALL its moods and magic. As we take on the work with conviction, each tender moment of truth deepens our compassion and elevates our consciousness beyond the stars.

In this moment, I will remember that whilst ‘booty call’ healing may give relief in the now, building a solid legacy of emotional wealth is the biggest gift I can give myself, those I love, and those yet to come.

Enjoy June’s love note?  Get them straight in your inbox with this link.

The Power of Black Sistahood

In these times of intense stress, it’s easy to get trapped in compulsive problem solving. Our survival energy is ramped up so we use it’s charge for intense busyness to release anxiety and feelings of powerlessness.

When I began creating the mastermind, I was obsessed with making sure there was lots of rich content with tools to transform. Members would use the material to understand their pain and process it through using the worksheets, videos and resources  I’d created and banked over the years.

What I learned yesterday from a Sista member was, whilst the library of wellness was extremely important for self study, it was secondary to the power of being held in the live weekly circles.

The real joy for her came from being seen, having her story heard and witnessed with compassion, without judgement, from sista’s who look like her.

Shared identification, solution focused healing and mirroring the greatness in each other is a powerful catalyst for change.

Today, I will remember that heart centered healing is not always about what I need to do, but making sure I have a safe space to be.

Bashment or Lovers Rock?

Happy International Reggae Day Fam!

With both my parents from Jamaica, it makes sense for me to fly the flag hard for it’s amazing influence on reggae culture.

The first time I fell in love with reggae was hearing the soundtrack from the film The Harder they come with Jimmy Cliff and Toots and the Maytals.

So why does singing our favorite chunes feel so damn good?

The voice box is connected to your vagus nerve which is the body’s longest super highway which connects our thoughts to feelings from the base of the brain to the abdomen (Google it).

When stimulated, this powerful system of roots and cables turns off our stress fight or flight response to regain a sense of balance and calm.

With the constant stress of living under the system of racism, it makes sense why singing, music and dance has always been a central role in our culture.

So as we celebrate the eclectic genius of reggae, whether you choose to twerk, whine or ride pon di river, consciously choose songs that uplift, soothe and ignite your melanin pride!

Today, I will remember that music is also therapy and black chunes matter!

It Takes a Village?

#juneslovenotes
Last Sunday was my second guest appearance on Goddesses of the Round Table with 6 other black women.
The topic was The Mother Wound which brought up some difficult, but powerful conversations.
One of the sistas talked about the concept of healing through the African proverb, ‘it takes a village to raise a child.’ Whilst I love the idea of this in principle, it always makes me sad because the reality is that our village is deeply wounded.
A lot of elders in our community were (and still are) very abusive, and remain stuck in denial about their need to do the healing work or make any sort of amends to those they hurt. This means that what was once a valuable part of the village, has become unsafe and the consequences are clear in the faces of unhappy children now walking around in adult bodies.
When we’re denied the love and protection we deserve as children, it takes a lot to reach out for help as an adult. If we’re willing to trust the process, a rework of the original quote can give us hope as we build a family of choice. So instead of saying, ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ we can move to,  ‘It takes a healing village to raise an adult child.’ This empowers us while we heal to be more discerning about trusting those who have earned our trust.
Today, I will remember that I have the right to choose peace and blood is not thicker than safety.

Don’t throw people away?

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Many of us experience pain in our families where denial has been the super glue bonding the dysfunction.
When you make the decision to do the inner work, enabling sick family patterns is no longer an option. Your shedding the mask that kept you ‘safe’ in honor of discovering your new, true authentic self. As we step into our truth, what do we do with those who choose to stay in the dysfunction and don’t support your growth? I’ve learned that we don’t have to throw them away, we can create a spiritual compost.
With a physical compost heap, you recycle kitchen and garden waste into rich organic matter to nourish your plants. In this instance, we hand the challenging people and their behaviors over to our Higher Power (as you understand it) and take the lessons from our experience of them to nurture our growth.
I have a wooden box on my alter where I write the names of people causing me pain, have always caused me pain and have no intention of doing this work. Sometimes, I have to hand them over through gritted teeth but there’s always a lesson, a gem, an incite we can take from that relationship. Maybe its setting new boundaries, learning to say no or redefining your values and needs? When we stay focused on doing our inner work, we transform our rubbish from the past into wisdom to nourish our future.
Affirmation: Today, I will remember that I am not responsible for fixing others. I will honor all that I am and take this wonderful opportunity to celebrate my truth and growth.

The Importance of Sistahood.

Last Sunday I was honored to be part of a new venture called Goddesses of the Round Table. This space was held by 7 light workers, healers and therapists to talk about current issues impacting our community. In the session we talk about the importance of sistahood and related topics around the mother wound, shame, learning to stand in your power and so much more. Check out this first episode and join us for the fortnightly show on Sunday evenings.