What is emotional safety for black women?

After quite an emotional week last week I felt so grateful for my support network who were able to hold me through the melt down. With so many of the women I work with feeling grateful for  the space I hold for them to be vulnerable, I want to share my take on what is emotional safety and what it means for black women in their respective support spaces.

  1. Can they hear you?
  2. Can they see you?
  3. Can they feel you?
  4. Can they hold you?
  5. Can they walk with you?

Intrigued? Watch for a deeper exploration.

Relationship Crumbs?

When pain is a standard part of growing up, it makes sense why so many of us adapted by being need less and want less. Our care givers may say they loved us, yet failed time and time again to consider our needs.
 
Under the system of racism, there’s no room for emotional nourishment. It’s commitment to dehumanisation strips us of the ability to relate and care for each other beyond survival.
 
If we’re hurt too many times as children without repair, it’s easy to settle for relationship crumbs as adults. The deprivation then becomes an armor which allows us to hide in being strong for others, while we privately suffer the pain of intimacy being unsafe.
 
Sometimes we’re so afraid of loss, that we can’t ask for what we need. In healing, we grieve the loss of nurturing and release our need to be invisible.
 
In this moment, I will remember that I deserve to be seen and heard. Today, I will give myself permission to ask for what I want.
 

Birthday Truth.

Birthdays can be bitter sweet as you get older because the celebration of another year is also a reminder of the relationship losses and regret around the things that have not manifested or worked out.
Last Friday was my 52 birthday and I work up with so much sadness from being in lockdown and isolated from those I care about.
It would now be easy to beat myself up for the sadness and force a fantasy of euphoria and gratitude when I was actually feeling an avalanche of lockdown grief.
In accepting this truth, I allowed the day to dip and rise without judgement. By the evening, I was overwhelmed with gratitude from teaching a virtual class that celebrated the 1 year anniversary of the magical Ghana retreat.
Being transported back to the motherland with my business partner Faith and a group of beautiful sistas gave me hope. A powerful reminder that this COVID insanity is just for today and I can build joy into my future staying committed to knowledge and service.
In healing I’ve learned that the truth is a powerful path to self acceptance. Today, I will remember that every feeling matters and I don’t have to suffer with them alone.

What does, ‘doing the healing work’ actually mean?

In this weeks live I want to talk to you about what doing the healing work actually means. We often hear the phrase thrown around on the wellness circuit, but does it actually mean in practical terms?

  1. It means telling the truth, firstly to ourselves.
  2. Asking for help in spaces that understand racism as a system and are culturally competent.
  3. Staying willing to trust the process, letting go of the outcome and taking the baby steps needed to move forward.

Know Thyself.

To know thyself is to honor our inner world. It’s falling in love with ourselves at the deepest, richest level.

In homes where pain is the head of the household, knowledge is forbidden. In a system which demands our silence, intimacy is fused with abuse.

With knowledge comes the wisdom of emotional sobriety and saying no brings the precious gift of serenity.

Freedom to think, seeds the freedom to feel. Freedom to feel brings the fearless change that liberates us from the strain of under-being.

In healing, as we release the lies we believe about ourselves, we close the gap between who we think we are, and who we really want to be.

In this moment I will remember that authentic intimacy with others must begin with divine intimacy with the self. When I dare to embrace my greatness, I also light the path for others to do the same.

 

If you enjoyed this love note from June you can click here to get them in your inbox every week.

My Judi Love BBC London Chat : How to deal with regret.

One Friday, I’m minding my business and someone popped into my Instagram DM’s to ask if I was available to do an interview with Judi Love!!!! Yaaaassss Judi Love! I was already a huge fan of her work and her lockdown Quarentine date night had me in stiches on many a corona evening!

Anyway, so I’m super excited to be asked to be part of her conversation about how to deal with regret. Click here to listen.

The 5 Principles of Rest.

When we think of the topic of rest we automatically go to our sleep habits but rest is so much bigger than that. With rest at the focus in the Sacred Sista Sanctuary this month, today I share the 5 principles to get you started and keep you grounded in a solid rest practice.

One of our most basic human needs for wellness is rest. Healing happens when we practice these 5 principles of rest. 

AWARENESS: We check in daily with ourselves and listen to the language of our bodies. 

HONESTY: We give ourselves permission to tell the truth about our relationship with rest. 

DETACHMENT: We let go of the people, places and things that disrupt our need to rest. 

BOUNDARIES: We stay focused on setting and keeping our internal boundaries for rest. 

SPACE: We create, build and maintain a nurturing plan for rest, play and our relationships. 

Watch this live stream for a deeper dive.

Re-framing Self Doubt.

#juneslovenotes

Self doubt came up in the mastermind last week which can be debilitating if allowed to fester and sabotage our efforts. This is something that creeps up on me from time to time, especially when I’m trying new things so today, I want to share some reflections around how to reframe it.

Under the system of racism, many of us absorb an ocean of painful lies about what we deserve. We unconsciously believe that suffering is mandatory and joy is a luxury. Whiteness is the benchmark for happiness as wounded parents were unable to show us otherwise.

When melanin miracles appear, our inner critic pipes up to remind us that black folks can’t win. Our inner white terrorist is committed to silencing our ‘uppity negro.’

Doing the inner work helps us realise that self doubt is also our former, frightened self trying to keep us safe. Safe from being hurt, abandoned or shamed. In naming this voice, we understand a little more about ourselves, release its charge and reclaim our power.

What lies do you believe about yourself and how is it blocking your greatness sis?

In this moment, I will remember that self doubt is often the external voice of those who benefit from keeping me small. Today, I will use this opportunity to practice courage and show up for myself.

Enjoy June’s love note?  Get them straight in your inbox with this link.

‘Booty Call’ Healing.

#juneslovenotes

Last week I wrote a post about empowering business owners to rethink their ‘booty call’ marketing. They show up when they want to sell something and expect their audience to ‘put out’ on demand.

So many people identified with this lack of building any relationship but it also got me thinking about the same dynamic when it comes to the healing process. When we hurt, we want the tools now and the healing to happen immediately to ease our pain.

Truth is, if we jumped straight from pain to happiness in 5 minutes, many of us would sabotage it. We’ve be on the struggle bus for so long that the shock of being happy so quick would also bring the fear of having it robbed from us as quickly as we got it.

As painful as this is to hear, healing is a life time commitment that requires patience. We can’t change the impact of intergenerational and ongoing trauma under the system of racism with one workshop, therapy session or self help book.

But don’t be discouraged dear, sweet sista,

What we can do is just commit to the adventure of finding our sacred selves with ALL its moods and magic. As we take on the work with conviction, each tender moment of truth deepens our compassion and elevates our consciousness beyond the stars.

In this moment, I will remember that whilst ‘booty call’ healing may give relief in the now, building a solid legacy of emotional wealth is the biggest gift I can give myself, those I love, and those yet to come.

Enjoy June’s love note?  Get them straight in your inbox with this link.