In this week’s financial therapy session, we’ll be reading Dr Venus’s testimony about the violent relationship she had with her mother and the woman who saved her from the streets. Whilst the details are disturbing, this is also a powerful opportunity to explore how the black mother wound shows up in our relationship to work. Click here to join us in the study circle.
Category: TRAUMA AND ABUSE
What is money trauma and how can financial therapy help?
When we think about money it’s often within the context of our salary and how we spend it, but are you really aware of the deeper emotional relationship we have with it as black people given our history of being bought and sold like cattle? In this session I talk about money trauma and how financial therapy can help. Click here for info about how to join the Sacred Sista Study Circle.
‘I Can’t Afford Therapy?’
With the cost of living crisis in the UK causing so much concern, here are some ideas to think about if you’re wondering if you can still afford therapy. Click here to join the Study Circle or work with me 121.
‘I don’t know what my needs are?’
One of the questions that clients often find difficult to answer is what they need. If we were raised in homes that were neglectful and abusive, we shut down because it wasn’t safe to express our feelings or needs. As adults, this pattern can show up as numbness, anger and resentment in people pleasing relationships so in this session, I share a tool that can help you reconnect to your feelings along with 8 important human needs to consider as a black woman.
Are there benefits to celibacy?
Oooooo Gurl, you gonna need a drink and a comfortable spot for the next hour to watch this one as the Goddesses of the Round Table spill the tea on celibacy! How long is too long? How do you define it? Is it a choice or a trauma response? Does it include self pleasure? Join us as we unpack these questions with compassion, courage and lots of laughter. *Trigger Warning* we do talk on issues of abuse so if you need support after watching this you can book a 121 session with me at www.callme.juneallen.net
Decolonising Desire is a course I’ll be delivering via the Sacred Sista Sanctuary mastermind to unpack and heal from racism in our relationships. Together, we’ll explore the following topics so you can show up confidently in your interpersonal relationships:
How racism shows up in our relationships.
How childhood shapes our capacity to love.
How to deal with sexual trauma, body shame and the fear of intimacy.
Understanding boundaries in relationships.
The art of receiving and the politics of pleasure.
Healthy dating and sacred partnerships.
The Opposite of Trauma is Play.
In this podcast June shares the importance of play as part of our healing, recovery process. Living under the oppressive system of racism is traumatic, and if we were raised in homes that also were chaotic, play is going to be something the can feel foreign to us because these environments will consciously and unconsciously keep us on high alert. Play is the opposite of trauma, so grab a tea and a pad to take notes as June shares how to bring more fun into your growth process. For details about the living in love programme go to www.love.juneallen.net
Forgiveness V Acceptance.
In this weeks live stream, June shares a beautiful example of forgiveness and what to do when the person you are trying to forgive is in denial about how they hurt you and are stuck in repeating their hurtful behavior. For more details about the offers in this session go to www.heal.juneallen.net
What is Racial Gaslighting?
I have been feeling really angry the last couple of days and after a mammoth yoga session and some reflection I now know why. With all the stuff I am seeing about #harryandmeghan and so many white people denying racism is part of it, I thought this would help those of you that are also tired.
Racial gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where white supremacists (consciously and unconsciously) seek to maintain power and control through manipulation and bullying of non-white people. This is acted out through sowing doubt around the definition, experience and impact of racism (white supremacy) with an individual or as a group, making it difficult for them to trust their instincts, feelings and core sense of self.
Examples include, pretending not to see or understand racism, refusing to listen to those impacted by racism, minimizing our experience and the traumatic impact of racism. Verbal examples include:
‘It’s not that bad.’
‘Not everything is about race’
‘That happened along time ago’
‘There’s only one human race.’
‘You’re imagining things’
‘You’re to sensitive.’
‘ Why are you always so angry?’
‘ You have a chip on your shoulder’
This list goes on and on, I’m sure you have others. When your ability to trust yourself has been broken down, you are more likely to experience shame and put up with this type of abuse. Tools for wellness include setting verbal boundaries around what and who you choose to talk about racism with, then focus on taking care of yourself with these 3 principles of racial wellness.
1.Release. Racial stress can leave you feeling angry and frustrated so use physical activities on a daily basis to transform the trapped energy and emotion inside the body.
2.Reflect. Self-reflection is a crucial part of emotional literacy so schedule quiet time to observe and understand your feelings and reactions to the events. Use safe spaces in therapy, recovery and support groups to reduce isolation, shame and miseducation.
3.Renew. Use self-soothing behaviors and cultural nourishment to reset the balance and maintain your sense of self. No matter how small, these are powerful revolutionary acts inside a system that feeds your self hate.
You deserve peace so take the time to make these rituals part of your daily practice.
Racism, Attachment and Loneliness.
Last Friday I attended a powerful conference which focused on attachment with a cultural perspective. In this live I share my thoughts on the conference.
For more details on the Supporting Relationships and Families organisation go to www.serefo.org.uk
5 Reasons Why Your Absent Father Can’t Hear Your Pain.
With UK Fathers Day around the corner, I’ve seen alot posts with anxious wounded daughters feeling sad about their absent fathers. When I talk about being absent, its not just about being physically absent, but also about being emotionally absent. Today, I’m sharing 5 Reasons why your dad can’t hear you.
- In order to empathise with your pain, he has to be connected to his own and he may not be ready for that.
- He may not be ready to face the consequences of the pain he has caused you. Apologies require the responsibility to take action and show up in the relationship with you and for himself.
- He may feel a lot of shame about his behavior which means this chronic sense of unworthiness will keep him triggered and feeling undeserving of having a relationship with his daughter.
- If he’s an addict and in active addiction it will be hard for him to see beyond his acting out behaviours.
- If he lacks the emotional maturity and is really disconnected from himself, he will continue to use you as a scapegoat to dump his feelings.
Watch the free web class below for tools and support.