When a girl grows up being punished for shining, it often follows her into adult life. In this first of a two-part series, I explore a painful but important topic around what happens when a Black mother’s unresolved wounds are taken out on her daughter?
This episode was inspired by a viral TikTok video showing a Black mother aggressively cutting off her daughter’s hair while verbally abusing her and filming it for social media. My comment on the post received over 27,000 likes, and many people shared their own experiences in the comments. This showed me how many daughters are carrying wounds that have never been named.
So in this episode, I talk about how maternal jealousy can show up in different ways, why it happens and the impact on the daughters. This conversation is not about attacking Black mothers. It’s about telling the truth about how trauma is passed down through generations and acted out in the present.
I explore how some harmful patterns may be shaped by unresolved pain, internalised racism, misogynoir, patriarchy, scarcity, grief, and wounds that were never healed. These wounds can later show up as fear of visibility, under-earning, people pleasing, staying silent at work, difficulty charging for services, anxiety around success, and shrinking in relationships.
Healing requires honesty. We cannot heal what we keep minimising or calling discipline when it is domination. Understanding where these patterns come from does not excuse the harm, it helps us break the cycle.
In part two, I will be exploring healing pathways, reparenting the inner daughter and how to reclaim visibility, voice, and earning power. If this topic feels activating, please go gently with yourself. You do not need to face everything at once. You can come back when you have more capacity.