With the new year off the starting blocks I’m feeling a bit tentative about what’s around the corner. Do you relate? This COVID mayhem is far from over so I’m keepin it in the day. Also, I’m sharing 3 essential things that helped me stay sane last year (despite all the madness) that will help you this year. Enjoy x
3 Step Trigger Repair #healinghack
Even if you’re not meeting up with family over the holidays, they may still be contact via zoom, phone and text etc. Therefore, its still important to be mindful about your triggers. This week I’m sharing a really simple 3 step process to help you deal with your holiday triggers.
- What are you feeling and is it really about the current conversation or something that reminds you of a wound in your past?
- What do you need? Maybe it’s being heard, understood or to feel safe.
- What must you do? Maybe you just need to remove yourself from the conversation by changing the subject, the company or the environment altogether!
Either way, the main focus must be on what comes alive in you when you communicate and to listen to your gut, needs and how you can restore a sense of emotional safety.
How I Work With Clients.
If you’ve been thinking about working with me but would like more tea on how the process work then this live stream is for you. In this session, I break down a tool I use called the triangle of awareness which explains the 3 core areas which I focus on to unpack your relationship with relationships. The incites gained from the exploration is what will eventually open you up and empower change while I cheer alongside you. Watch!
For more info about how to work with me you can check out the Sacred Sista Mastermind or 121 Soul Sessions.
Letting Go
It takes a lot more energy to hold on than it does to let go, but what does letting go actually mean? Sometimes folks repeat it like a switch you just turn off, but we both know it’s not that easy. What I’ve learned is that there are three things which help us release the things we find more difficult.
Intellectually, we can question what parts of the story belong to us and what belongs to others. Are we bringing issues into the present from the past and do we have unrealistic expectations and fantasies that cannot be fulfilled?
Physically, we can release the charge generated by the negative experience that often gets trapped in the body. Movement in all its forms will release the energy and transform its power.
Emotionally, we can let go by honoring our feelings around the event and tell the truth about it’s impact on our wellbeing. If we can speak this truth to someone safe who will hear you without judgement, the empathy clears a path for solutions to release you from its bondage.
In this moment, I will forgive myself for holding onto suffering. Today, I will give myself permission to let go of the people, places and things that hold me back from standing in my greatness.
Can Men and Women Really be Friends?
Can men and women really be friends? Is it appropriate to have friends of the opposite sex when you’re in a relationship? In this weeks Goddesses of the Round Table session, we share, laugh and explore the complications of this topic.
‘How can I heal with black women when I don’t trust them?’
One of the most common queries I get in my inbox is from sista’s anxious about healing with other sista’s. This is usually the result of mother wounds, colorism bullying and/or internalised racism. In this live, I share some compassionate tools to help you take the next steps to safe healing with your sista’s.
Click below to get the tea.
Can’t love, won’t love? ?
Sometimes we tie ourselves in knots, trying to make sense of the reason why those who said they loved us couldn’t follow through.
Is it me?
What did I do?
Why can’t they love me ?
Sometimes we’re so desperate to be loved that we think abandoning ourselves some more will bring them closer. Truth is, this self neglect hiding as ‘love’ only feeds the shame and resentment when our needs remain unmet.
In these moments of sadness and confusion, sometimes reframing the reality helps us understand that it’s not that the other person won’t love us, it’s because they can’t.
Racism is a toxic shame based system that shuts down our ability to attach to others in a healthy way. Without healing, we can’t unpick the poison we’ve inherited or what’s been internalised in our lifetime.
Without awareness, we recycle the pain and act it out through colorism, self hate and violence inside our families and relationships.
When we commit to doing the work, we give ourselves permission to grieve the absence of love from our traumatised village and the loss of not being allowed to be ourselves.
Today, I will remember that it’s not the black man against the black woman, but African people against white terrorism.
Should you join the Sacred Sista Sanctuary mastermind?
It would be easy for me to give 1000 reasons why joining the Sacred Sista Sanctuary mastermind is great, but hearing it from someone who has got so much out of it hits different. In this weeks live, I share more in depth about how the sacred space is helping so many sista’s like what you can see from this wonderful email I received.
‘Working with June has been transformational for me. Having attended various programmes on self care and healing it struck me that they could not fully benefit me because they didn’t have the cultural context, or understand the experiences unique to women of African and Caribbean descent.
June provides a safe space where you can speak your truth without judgment or criticism, which gives you confidence to learn how to set healthy boundaries with your friends and family. Working with her has allowed me to look deep within, to have significant insights and breakthroughs which I would not have accomplished if I was on this healing journey on my own.
She gives toolkits on how we as Black women can navigate the system of racism we live under; she helps us find the language to articulate what it means to live under this system that for a long time I could not name, and for a long time not even aware was affecting me.
This work is not easy. It compels you to question everything about who you are and whether holding on to certain beliefs are benefitting you. To live authentically you’ve got to do work like this; and with lots of humor, straight talking and love, June is your guide on how to confront social and cultural sacred cows and taboos, and to lay bare the ways Black women have had to literally carry the burden of the world. Once you know you can’t un-know.’
Angie Osbourne.
Best selling Author of 100 Great Black Britain’s.
To join the Sanctuary go to www.join.juneallen.net
Body Shame Clap backs ?
Every time I get dressed, my inner critic laughs at my lockdown love handles, shaming me about what others would say if they saw me naked.
When she pipes up, I say STFU and feel gratitude for the extra curves that kept me alive through this pandemic the racial stress and sadness of loosing my dad.
With lockdown now eased in the UK, some of you have told me that you’re anxious about seeing family over Christmas because they won’t stop opening their toxic mouths about your body.
‘You”ve put on weight.’
“You’re too skinny.’
‘What happened to your hair?’
‘What have you got on?’
Blah blah blah yada yada yada
Sometimes family think they have the right to say mean things just because you’re related. Folks got so much shit to say about you, but can’t get their own crazy lives together.
Repeat after me.
This season, I will stop giving my previous energy to anyone I would not go to for advice. If folks take it upon themselves to verbally assault my body, I will remember that I am a queen and will clap back that my body is my business.
?? ?? ?? ?? ??
My body is my business.
My body is my business.
My body is my business.
(If you’re feeling brave, keep this one in your back pocket.)
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Your toxic mouth is not welcome!
Your toxic mouth is not welcome!
Your toxic mouth is not welcome!
You are not alone
Early December is often filled with the busyness of Christmas. Spending money, expectations and gatherings build an emotional crescendo before falling into the stillness at the end of the month with endless TV, left overs and reflections of the year with those we love.
Sometimes, this season is a painful reminder of those we’ve lost and sometimes, that loss includes ourselves.
Whatever comes up, just know that you’re not alone. If things get tough, use these tools to ride out the season and maintain your wellness.
- Use daily sacred sista time to explore and honour your feelings.
- Focus on the nurturing relationships and spend less time with the ones that aren’t.
- Presence is more important than the presents.
- Get out in nature, #treesareareasuperpower
Affirmation: This season, I will accept each day as it comes and stay open to receiving the love and support I deserve.