I could not let January slip by without sharing some step one racial sobriety recovery in the first month of this year. The adapted step 1 from AA translates to us as, ‘We admitted we were powerless over the impact of racism (white supremacy), that our lives had become unmanageable.’ To break this down, I am thrilled to be sharing the space with my sista in recovery Rineya who agreed to join me to share her experience strength and hope on this first step as a black women healing from addiction. We explore the pain and powerlessness of living under the system of white supremacy, her rock bottom moment, tokenism, racism in the rooms, and the power of black spaces which bring hope in taking this first step. You don’t want to miss this! You can connect with Rineya at www.myblackexperience.co.uk or follow her on instagram @Rineya_Umran_ka
I have been feeling really angry the last couple of days and after a mammoth yoga session and some reflection I now know why. With all the stuff I am seeing about #harryandmeghan and so many white people denying racism is part of it, I thought this would help those of you that are also tired.
Racial gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where white supremacists (consciously and unconsciously) seek to maintain power and control through manipulation and bullying of non-white people. This is acted out through sowing doubt around the definition, experience and impact of racism (white supremacy) with an individual or as a group, making it difficult for them to trust their instincts, feelings and core sense of self.
Examples include, pretending not to see or understand racism, refusing to listen to those impacted by racism, minimizing our experience and the traumatic impact of racism. Verbal examples include:
‘It’s not that bad.’
‘Not everything is about race’
‘That happened along time ago’
‘There’s only one human race.’
‘You’re imagining things’
‘You’re to sensitive.’
‘ Why are you always so angry?’
‘ You have a chip on your shoulder’
This list goes on and on, I’m sure you have others. When your ability to trust yourself has been broken down, you are more likely to experience shame and put up with this type of abuse. Tools for wellness include setting verbal boundaries around what and who you choose to talk about racism with, then focus on taking care of yourself with these 3 principles of racial wellness.
1.Release. Racial stress can leave you feeling angry and frustrated so use physical activities on a daily basis to transform the trapped energy and emotion inside the body.
2.Reflect. Self-reflection is a crucial part of emotional literacy so schedule quiet time to observe and understand your feelings and reactions to the events. Use safe spaces in therapy, recovery and support groups to reduce isolation, shame and miseducation.
3.Renew. Use self-soothing behaviors and cultural nourishment to reset the balance and maintain your sense of self. No matter how small, these are powerful revolutionary acts inside a system that feeds your self hate.
You deserve peace so take the time to make these rituals part of your daily practice.
Many of us understand that black self hate and colorism is a huge issue in our community, but many do not understand it’s complexity and how it manifests inside our relationships. In today’s session, I answer a question from a biracial sista who wants to heal with black women, is doing the work, but finds it very triggering because she was bullied by black women. In this podcast I share:
The origins of colorism and sista pain.
How this fear impacts your relationship with self, parenting and partners.
How to chose a healing space.
What to do if you feel triggered inside a healing space.
My own journey of learning to love my Sista’s.
Click below to listen.
Book mentioned in this episode.
To attend the book club go to www.sistacircle.juneallen.net
We’re continuing our conversation to find the 7 Keys To Black Empowerment. The 5th key is all about setting boundaries. If you don’t know what does and doesn’t work for you, you make yourself vulnerable to abuse.
In this session I explores the difference between social, external and internal boundaries. I also share how practicing them must be the foundation for our emotional emancipation and personal empowerment!
Healing from racism through personal empowerment and the 12 steps of recovery.
Today, I’m continuing our conversation about the 7 keys to black empowerment. The 3rd key is to study our enemy. In order heal, we must understand racism. This session will teach you WHAT racism is through the work of Mr Neely Fuller, and WHY racism is here through the work of Dr Francis Cress Welsing.
Books mentioned in this episode:
Mr Neely Fuller: www.producejustice.com
Dr Welsing: The Isis Papers
6 week mastermind for wounded daughters: Join the waiting list at www.daughters.juneallen.net
It’s one thing to know that we live under the system of racism, and another to consciously feel it’s devastating impact on our lives.
White fear of genetic annihilation has made us prisoners of war inside our black skin. The longer we swallow our oppression, the more unmanageable our lives have become.
When we affirm the power to change our lives through the steps, we challenge the core parts of ourselves still bleeding from internalised self hate.
In Step 1, we admit that we are powerless over those who practice white supremacy. We surrender to the truth and let go of our compulsive need to escape the vulnerability of our blackness.
As we use the tools and peel back the layers of confusion, we experience a new hope and begin to find the courage to show up in our regal divinity.
In this moment, I will honor that I am alive. I can find the way home to my blacknificance, by asking for help from those who have walked the path before me.
Affirmation: I choose to live in the light. I am worthy of healing.
Till next time,
With Blackalicious love.
Give yourself the gift of empowerment.
After publishing the recent podcast about loosing my brother to addiction, I received some powerful responses about how it moved and motivated you to get sober. There was also talk of struggles with experiencing racism in the recovery rooms.
With December and the holidays upon us, it’s also a very triggering time for those of us raised in abusive, addictive families. This means that our need for support and a sense of belonging is even more important.
The kickback around having safe black spaces has always had its challenges because white supremacy will often shame us into believing we’re practicing ‘reverse racism’.
We need a safe space to address our cultural needs without the gaze of white fragility. No one ever questions men or women only groups that want to explore gender, so this is of course another racist hurdle we have to deal with.
Many of us are so worn down by the pressure to conform, that we end up in inappropriate kumbayah spaces where our needs are ignored, and our historical wounds continue to bleed.
I promised my brother that I would stay committed to my own recovery and serve you by sharing ways to emancipate yourself through personal empowerment and racial sobriety beyond the 12 steps. You deserve the right to enjoy this planet without fear.
That said, if I created a space online for us to have some honest, solution focused conversations about internalised racism, recovery and empowerment would that be of interest to you?
If yes, sign up below on the wait list to register your interest.
Till next time,
With Blackalicious love.
Any Questions? Need to share?
Helping you heal from internalised racism through personal empowerment and racial sobriety.