Category: HEALING THE BLACK MOTHER WOUND

Happy Mothers Day?

June Allen

After years of navigating the complex relationship with my mother, (and now no contact), one of the most important things I’ve learned in the healing process is that motherhood is not just about my relationship with her. It’s about receiving maternal energy that can come from anyone who is loving and caring for your best interests.

Sometimes your mothers job was just being the portal that gave you life. Her traumatic entanglement with systems of oppression and inability to do her own mother wound work means that she is unable to meet your basic human needs as a child. Despite the pain of accepting this reality, there is hope my sista.

The reason I am here sharing my story and advocating for your inner child is because I found the courage over the years , bit by bit to allow other black women to care for me where my mother fell short. Being seen, heard and empowered by black, woman therapists and sibling sistas in recovery has been the magic that put me back together when I felt powerless, ashamed and unworthy.

I still have days when the grief is unbearable and the rage is intense, but I can take these truths to my inner circle and process, weep, unpack so I can show up for my daughter and support the community and my clients through sharing my journey.

Whatever your circumstances, however your mother treated you, it was not your fault.

You hear me? It was not your fault!

This bitch arse system also wants us to recycle the toxic maternal legacy of abuse, mistrust and self hate that keeps from loving on each other and grinding for them in order to get crumbs of validation.

You matter sis. I see you. You are not alone. ❤️

Next Tuesday 21 March 2023 at 8pm London time I am hosting a free healing circle on post Mothers Day self care for wounded black daughters. Click here to sign up.

The Powerful ‘Black’ Sheep?

June Allen

In researching content for my Black Mother Wound  retreat, I came across a powerful piece of writing that reframes the negative meaning of the ‘black’ sheep of the family. In this live stream I share my thoughts on how this position is an opportunity to reclaim your autonomy and break destructive family patterns!

The Black Sheep. By Bert Hellinger.

‘The so-called black sheep of the family are, in fact, hunters born of paths of liberation into the family tree.

The members of a tree who do not conform to the norms or traditions of the family system, those who since childhood have constantly sought to revolutionise beliefs, going against the paths marked by family traditions, those criticised, judged and even rejected, these are usually called to free the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations.

The black sheep, those who do not adapt, those who cry rebelliously, play a basic role within each family system, they repair, pick up and create new and unfold branches in the family tree.

Thanks to these members, our trees renew their roots. Its rebellion is fertile soil, its madness is water that nourishes, its stubbornness is new air, its passion is fire that re-ignites the light of the heart of the ancestors.

Uncountable repressed desires, unfulfilled dreams, the frustrated talents of our ancestors are manifested in the rebelliousness of these black sheep seeking fulfilment. The genealogical tree, by inertia will want to continue to maintain the castrating and toxic course of its trunk, which makes the task of our sheep a difficult and conflicting work.

However, who would bring new flowers to our tree if it were not for them? Who would create new branches? Without them, the unfulfilled dreams of those who support the tree generations ago would die buried beneath their own roots.

Let no one cause you to doubt, take care of your rarity as the most precious flower of your tree.

You are the dream of all your ancestors.’

 

Sacred Sista Study Circle Selection #4: Communion: The Female Search for Love. By bell hooks.

June Allen

In this session I share the 4th book selection for my next Sacred Sista Study Circle launching in October. Communion: The Female Search for Love. By bell hooks. Join me to explore an overview of the black women’s relationship with love and femininity in this powerful text by a sista author who always brings the fire. Click here for more details about the study circle. 

5 Personality types from childhood abandonment.

Sacred Sista Assistant

If you were raised in a home where caregivers were physically or emotionally absent, this will have an impact on the dynamics in your relationships. In this week’s book club we explore chapter 5 from, ‘What mama couldn’t tell us about love’  which is all about the impact of abandonment through 5 personality traits. In the live stream, I share my take on these survival behaviours that keep us from the love we deserve.   

‘I don’t know what my needs are?’

June Allen

One of the questions that clients often find difficult to answer is what they need. If we were raised in homes that were neglectful and abusive, we shut down because it wasn’t safe to express our feelings or needs. As adults, this pattern can show up as numbness, anger and resentment in people pleasing relationships so in this session, I share a tool that can help you reconnect to your feelings along with 8 important human needs to consider as a black woman.