The Powerful ‘Black’ Sheep?

In researching content for my Black Mother Wound  retreat, I came across a powerful piece of writing that reframes the negative meaning of the ‘black’ sheep of the family. In this live stream I share my thoughts on how this position is an opportunity to reclaim your autonomy and break destructive family patterns!

The Black Sheep. By Bert Hellinger.

‘The so-called black sheep of the family are, in fact, hunters born of paths of liberation into the family tree.

The members of a tree who do not conform to the norms or traditions of the family system, those who since childhood have constantly sought to revolutionise beliefs, going against the paths marked by family traditions, those criticised, judged and even rejected, these are usually called to free the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations.

The black sheep, those who do not adapt, those who cry rebelliously, play a basic role within each family system, they repair, pick up and create new and unfold branches in the family tree.

Thanks to these members, our trees renew their roots. Its rebellion is fertile soil, its madness is water that nourishes, its stubbornness is new air, its passion is fire that re-ignites the light of the heart of the ancestors.

Uncountable repressed desires, unfulfilled dreams, the frustrated talents of our ancestors are manifested in the rebelliousness of these black sheep seeking fulfilment. The genealogical tree, by inertia will want to continue to maintain the castrating and toxic course of its trunk, which makes the task of our sheep a difficult and conflicting work.

However, who would bring new flowers to our tree if it were not for them? Who would create new branches? Without them, the unfulfilled dreams of those who support the tree generations ago would die buried beneath their own roots.

Let no one cause you to doubt, take care of your rarity as the most precious flower of your tree.

You are the dream of all your ancestors.’

 

Sacred Sista Study Circle Selection #4: Communion: The Female Search for Love. By bell hooks.

In this session I share the 4th book selection for my next Sacred Sista Study Circle launching in October. Communion: The Female Search for Love. By bell hooks. Join me to explore an overview of the black women’s relationship with love and femininity in this powerful text by a sista author who always brings the fire. Click here for more details about the study circle. 

5 Personality types from childhood abandonment.

If you were raised in a home where caregivers were physically or emotionally absent, this will have an impact on the dynamics in your relationships. In this week’s book club we explore chapter 5 from, ‘What mama couldn’t tell us about love’  which is all about the impact of abandonment through 5 personality traits. In the live stream, I share my take on these survival behaviours that keep us from the love we deserve.   

‘I don’t know what my needs are?’

One of the questions that clients often find difficult to answer is what they need. If we were raised in homes that were neglectful and abusive, we shut down because it wasn’t safe to express our feelings or needs. As adults, this pattern can show up as numbness, anger and resentment in people pleasing relationships so in this session, I share a tool that can help you reconnect to your feelings along with 8 important human needs to consider as a black woman. 

Body Shame Clap backs ?

Every time I get dressed, my inner critic laughs at my lockdown love handles, shaming me about what others would say if they saw me naked.

When she pipes up, I say STFU and feel gratitude for the extra curves that kept me alive through this pandemic the racial stress and sadness of loosing my dad.

With lockdown now eased in the UK, some of you have told me that you’re anxious about seeing family over Christmas because they won’t stop opening their toxic mouths about your body.
‘You”ve put on weight.’

“You’re too skinny.’

‘What happened to your hair?’

‘What have you got on?’

Blah blah blah yada yada yada

Sometimes family think they have the right to say mean things just because you’re related. Folks got so much shit to say about you, but can’t get their own crazy lives together.

Repeat after me.

This season, I will stop giving my previous energy to anyone I would not go to for advice. If folks take it upon themselves to verbally assault my body, I will remember that I am a queen and will clap back that my body is my business.

?? ?? ?? ?? ??

My body is my business.

My body is my business.

My body is my business.

(If you’re feeling brave, keep this one in your back pocket.)

?? ???? ?? ???? ????

Your toxic mouth is not welcome!

Your toxic mouth is not welcome!

Your toxic mouth is not welcome!