Last Sunday was my second guest appearance on Goddesses of the Round Table with 6 other black women.
The topic was The Mother Wound which brought up some difficult, but powerful conversations.
One of the sistas talked about the concept of healing through the African proverb, ‘it takes a village to raise a child.’ Whilst I love the idea of this in principle, it always makes me sad because the reality is that our village is deeply wounded.
A lot of elders in our community were (and still are) very abusive, and remain stuck in denial about their need to do the healing work or make any sort of amends to those they hurt. This means that what was once a valuable part of the village, has become unsafe and the consequences are clear in the faces of unhappy children now walking around in adult bodies.
When we’re denied the love and protection we deserve as children, it takes a lot to reach out for help as an adult. If we’re willing to trust the process, a rework of the original quote can give us hope as we build a family of choice. So instead of saying, ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ we can move to, ‘It takes a healing village to raise an adult child.’ This empowers us while we heal to be more discerning about trusting those who have earned our trust.
Today, I will remember that I have the right to choose peace and blood is not thicker than safety.